Powered by the Son - Part V

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Read Part II
Read Part III
Read Part IV

Life is full of contradictions. We have to plan for the future while also living in the moment. We have to make amends for the past but not live there. We want to know what will happen tomorrow, next week or next year, but if we did it could drastically change what we do today, which would change tomorrow (the whole time travel dilemna from science fiction shows comes to mind).

In this work situation, I tended to live in the moment in a negative way...if things seemed stuck today I could not see how they would change. I assumed that if I wasn't being patted on the back today, or if my tasks were mundane, or if somebody else was advancing, that it would always be this way. It seemed like there was no hope that it would ever be my turn.

Of course I was wrong! There is nothing more constant in this world than change; it happens in and around us all the time! It's just sometimes hard to see, especially when we put the blinders on ourselves. Think about it...think about where you are today. Have you always been there? In the physical sense, I could never make that claim because I have moved 19 times! In the emotional sense, I am not the same person I was even a month ago. And in the spiritual sense, I change every single time I pray alone and every time I worship with others.

So what does all this have to do with leadership training? Well, at the core of leadership is the ability to prepare people to respond to change and to guide them through it. When you think of the word "leader", who do you think of? What situation do you recall that makes you feel this person is a good leader? Wasn't there change going on?

We are no longer being called the management team at work. We are the Leadership Team. Because, like my boss says, you don't manage people, you manage tasks. You lead people.

continued

Powered by the Son - Part IV

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Read Part II
Read Part III

But wait, I forgot to tell you about the leadership training program week which came before the picnic! It was an important week for me in many ways.

The promotion I received was, if I can be less than humble, well deserved and long overdue. So how could it have been so unexpected? Because even after all these years of working (30-plus...yikes), I lacked perspective. I was, at times, so blinded by resentment and self-doubt that I could not see the obvious signs that I was being groomed for a leadership position.

Several years ago my department was reorganized. It went from a two-team, two-boss structure with little staff input to a multi-team structure with middle-managers who participated in the goal-setting and daily operational decisions of the department. Since then I had attended the manager meetings for the sole purpose (I thought) of taking notes and running the projector. I participated in some of the discussions, but did not have a vote when it came time to make decisions.

Most of the time this did not bother me. But as the years went by I became convinced that I was just being used; that I would always be considered not quite good enough for full membership in the elite group. This stinkin' thinkin' was all in my head and, as it turned out, bore little in common with reality. Should my boss have done more to let me know that I was being groomed for advancement? Maybe. Should I have talked to him, or someone else I trusted, about the situation. I did...many times. But in hindsight, my tendency to think the worst about myself may have clouded what was being said. That, combined with the sometimes excruciatingly slow way things change in the work world, made it seem like I would be stuck in the same position forever unless I left the company.

But change was on the horizon, as it always is.

continued

Powered by the Son - Part III

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Read Part II

The day after the picnic, we piled into our cars and drove south to Cleveland for the church youth convention. This is a fun event that I've been going to semi-regularly since I was a teenager. Of course, it was more fun when I was the "youth" and not a chaperone.

The most important objective of a youth convention, in my opinion, is the friendship. I met some of my best friends, including my husband, as a result of the youth of our various churches across the midwest and the entire country meeting, playing and worshiping together. I wrote a long time ago (here, here and here) about my friendships that started at these events.

As I watched the young people interacting last week through the lens of middle age, I felt joy and hope for their futures. I wondered who would end up together, and tried to picture them in 25 years being at a convention as chaperones while their kids were making new friends. It was the circle of life playing out before my eyes.

But this isn't just a bunch of people getting together for the sake of gathering. What makes it so special, what brings us there in the first place, is our common faith. We came together in the name of the Lord. We came to a place and time that was Powered by the Son.

continued

The Teacup

Why is it that I never sleep late except on days when I have to be somewhere early? Maybe it's just the weather turning, but I woke up late this morning feeling like a lump of clay.

Reminds me of the Teacup story. I've read it several different places, but I picked one for you that has a soundtrack.

Back to the Powered by the Son tomorrow.

Powered by the Son - Part II

Read Part I

One of my character defects is perfectionism. It's what prevents me from writing and posting every day, causes me to procrastinate even on the most routine of tasks, and makes me the worst delegator in the world (see...I think if I'm not the best at something I must be the worst).

A classic example is when I volunteered to chair a dance marathon back in high school. There were lots of things to do, and I remember clearly sitting there handing out assignments and saying "I'll just do that" to most of them. Of course the thing never got off the ground. The group didn't have anything important to do, so most of them didn't show up for the next meeting.

When I suddenly had no way of doing this whole picnic thing by myself (as if I ever had to in the first place), I felt that God was sending me a clear signal. Over the years I had certainly become better at working with other people and letting go of the need to control everything. But my new job responsibilities will include being a supervisor for the first time, so I absolutely had to learn to delegate effectively.

Sarah stepped up and took charge of the local end of things. She came up with ideas, worked with her mom and brother on logistics and shopping, and did a lot of the communication and coordination. We had early morning planning meetings on the phone and she worked on her assignments while I worked at my job. We were more a team than leader and follower, which is how I want to be with my new team at work.

God uses situations to teach, and both Sarah and I learned a lot from this experience. And because we prayed for guidance and shared the load, the picnic was a huge success! This was an especially sweet day for me, nestled between what I will remember as two of the most important weeks in my life.

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Powered by the Son - Part I

I am just now starting to recover mentally from the intensity of the past couple of weeks. I'm back to work, back to the normal routine of my life.

But I don't want to lose the power of the feelings I've experienced. Maybe writing about them will help me remember and to take action on them every day.

It all actually started back in June. I was in Michigan for the graduation of my niece and nephew, having a great time visiting with friends and family at the party. I asked about the annual church picnic (which I try to make every year if I possibly can) and was told that there might not be one because nobody had volunteered to run it. Well, I couldn't let that happen! So I volunteered to run it from 300 miles away! No problem, that's what I do in my professional life...run projects. We set the date, made the announcement, and launched the picnic project.

A few days later, to my ultimate surprise, I got a huge promotion! Cool! But the promotion came with a requirement to attend a week-long leadership training seminar the week before the picnic! This meant I couldn't be in Michigan until the day before the picnic, so I couldn't do the shopping or the decorating or anything. I needed help!

I quickly recruited my niece Sarah to be my co-project manager for the picnic.

continued

My Tatoo

Ok, so it's henna and will fade. But it's radical for me!

FIRED UP!

Wow! This is the first spare moment I have had this week to write. I'm at the church youth convention...a week of chaperoning over 100 teenagers.

Not enough sleep. Emotional sessions. Fun in the sun. I'm exhausted!

It seems like just yesterday I was on the receiving end of "LIGHTS OUT!" and now I'm the one getting the whining "oh, can't we just stay up a little longer, please?" Actually, the kids here are great. All I can say is that this week has been totally awesome.

Oh, and I got a tatoo.

Seeing Through God's Eyes

In the movie Shallow Hal, Hal is temporarily blessed (or perhaps cursed) with the ability to see a woman's inner character manifested as their physical appearance. He sees Rosemary as a lovely, sexy thin blonde when the rest of the world sees her as obese. And he sees a young, sexy nurse as an old hag.

Our Daily Bread from the other day talks about how God sees differently than us. He sees into our hearts, and warns against judging people by their appearance.

I spent almost every spare moment in the last couple of weeks looking for new clothes, preparing for a week-long meeting for work which ended yesterday. As I mentioned in my last post, it is important to look professional and dress appropriately for your job.

But no matter how you much you spend on clothes, or what your hair looks like or how much you weigh, the heart of you - your character, your values, your actions - is what really counts.

God sees you as you really are. And the people who truly love you do also.

The Devil(?) Wears Prada

Today we begin what may become a semi-regular feature here - Aunt Judie's Guide to the Movies. I'll leave the formal reviews to the professionals. Here, you'll just get my take on what a movie says about life. And unlike other reviewers, I am going to assume you have already seen the movie (so don't read any more if you don't want to know what happens).

The Devil Wears Prada had a lot of funny moments. But I was left wondering what the huge deal was...I have certainly had worse bosses than Miranda Priestly! Maybe it's because I've had almost 30 years of working in offices, and Andy in the movie was just starting out. But here's what I've learned.

Having a boss who tells you what they want is a good thing. Yes Miranda was bossy and seemed unreasonable at times, but for the most part she told Andy what she expected. You would be surprised at how many bosses don't.

Everyone is motivated by something different. Andy didn't "get" Emily because they had different goals and priorities. Andy treated her job as an unwelcome necessity and a temporary situation until what she really wanted to do came along. Emily, on the other hand, treated her job as one step in the long road of a career. She didn't have to be so mean, but that came from fear.

You need to dress properly for your job. Actually, in the business world you are supposed to dress even better than is required for your job. That tells your bosses you are serious about your work and have respect for the company. But you don't have to break the bank. Andy was lucky...she appeared to get her expensive duds for free. (Where do I get a job like that?)

All (legal) work is valuable. I guess the message the movie was trying to send at the end was that writing for a newspaper was a more honorable or valuable pursuit than working in the fashion industry. That is elitist baloney. Treat every job as honorable and worthy of your best effort. If I had to have brain surgery, I would be as grateful to the surgeon for doing his job right as I was to the guy who mops the floor.

Business is business. Did it make Miranda a witch that she knew her job was on the line and used her influence to keep it? No, it means she was savvy and knew the business. Was it unfair to Nigel? Yes, but life is unfair. Get over it. He could have left anyway to start his own business. There are a lot of things I don't like about the business world, but until I am in a position to change them, I have to play by its rules. Which, by the way, Andy didn't. She walked out without notice and threw what I assume was the company's cell phone into a fountain...very unprofessional (I hope they docked her pay).

Finally, I cannot believe that in this day and age anybody in their right mind would think that a woman is fat because she wears a size six! Maybe the Miranda character does, but why couldn't the movie had shown Andy being herself and staying a healthy size six? No, she had to end up a four as if that's more virtuous than a six.

And speaking of virtue, why did they have to have Andy living with her boyfriend? And why did she sleep with someone she barely knew when her relationship hit a rough patch? And the guy she slept with was a work colleague! A definite no-no!

I love the work of Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci, and I basically liked the movie despite it's skewed view of the value and realities of working. For a more realistic view and tips on surviving and thriving in an office job, try reading this instead.

A life well lived

Secret
by David Alan Redwanc

I know something that you may not
Little problems we have in life are
Meaningless in the ultimate order of
Events in life
Some gifts can be taken for granted
Most abilities go unappreciated and
Unnoticed until that ability has been
Stripped away
When the opportunity for new life
Has been granted the little miracles
Each day shine brightly and each
Breath received is like wondrous
Freedom
I have a secret and I only wish you
Knew

David died last month just a few weeks shy of age 32. He wrote the poem above after his double-lung transplant in 1998. It appeared on the memorial cards given out at his funeral.

Cystic fibrosis did not stop him from playing every sport he liked when he was a kid. His health problems did not stop him from falling in love and marrying, moving to California to try his luck at an acting career, becoming a real estate agent and even a World Series of Poker champion. He had tremendous faith in God, and lived his life in an attitude of gratitude for everything he could do.

Well done, David. Rest in peace.

Would you say that to someone else?

Self-talk is the stuff we say to ourselves, which we do all the time. It's part of our thinking process, and sometimes it can be more damaging than anything anyone else could say to us.

I sometimes catch myself saying things like "I've been stupid with my money" or "I'm too fat for those pants" or, when I'm really feeling bad, "no man will ever love me again". But I would never dream of saying any such thing to someone I loved, or even liked!

A good friend recently reminded me of this verse:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29, New International Version)

Remember, if you would not say it out loud to somebody else, don't say it to yourself!

Dependence Day

We call today Independence Day because a long time ago our young country declared its independence from Great Britain.

Pastor Greg Laurie talks about why we might want to also consider today Dependence Day.

Wondering about your life's work?

In the excitement of the wedding and things going on at work, I have not yet written on this year's crop of high school graduates in my family (two nephews and two nieces). I will, I promise.

For now, as you ponder college or work, and wonder if your career choice is meaningful in the big scheme of things, read this.

All work is honorable. And anything you do can be a ministry.

Plastic beads or precious pearls?

In today's post, Dawn talks about men of character. I agree with Dawn, and it is something to keep in mind as I venture into the dating world.

When I contemplate dating and am tempted by the idea of sex outside marriage, the same thought always comes to me. What if giving in to this temptation causes a detour on the path that is leading me to the man God intends to be my husband? If I get distracted by what appeals to me at the moment, am I saying to God that I don't trust Him to eventually lead me to the prize?

It would be like grabbing onto the plastic beads thrown at Mardi Gras, while God is standing there with the precious pearls He wants me to give me.

Back to "normal"

Today's the day my life gets back to normal after the wedding. Yesterday was sleep, out to dinner with my Boston cousins, and some post-wedding let down blues. Today I go back to work at the office, back to my regular eating routine, and back to working out at the gym.

But for the bride and groom, and for the homes they left to start their own, there is a new "normal" beginning. For the parents and siblings, their new normal means one less bird in the nest. Might be that the vacated bedroom gets turned into an office or a sewing room. Or if it was the bigger bedroom, maybe the remaining sibling moves into it.

The bride and groom, who at this moment are about to board a plane bound for their Hawaiian honeymoon, have a big time new normal waiting for them in their new home when they get back. I remember what it was like for me to adjust to my new life as a wife. Fun...and a little scary too. It's like installing a new operating system on your computer...same computer, but you're not sure where everything is and how it's supposed to work.

Change is a part of life. What's funny is that the biggies - like marriage - can sometimes be easier to deal with than the seemingly smaller changes. Because you know they are going to be big, you prepare to adjust. The little changes are often unexpected and throw you for a loop.

The key to handling change is to remember that life is full of it. At times you will wish for change, and at times you will wish for everything to stay the same. Change can come from inside you (a decision you make to change something you can control) or from outside you (circumstances beyond your control). Either way you need to be ready and willing to adapt to change.

If you aren't, you will find yourself sad, frustrated or angry a lot of the time. And you don't want that to be what's "normal" for you.

The Morning After

Best wedding ever.
My feet hurt.
Going back to bed.

Wedding Week - The Big Day is Here!

Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III
Read Part IV
Read Part V

Today's the big day! My outfit is laid out, my hair is touched up and trimmed, my nails are done. I only hope the bride is as ready as I am!

We have only touched on a few things that I feel are important in marriage. I don't have all the answers. I just know what I have seen, and experienced, and what I hope to experience again someday (God willing). I am going to end this series with the most important thing I have learned about marriage:

Men and women are different.

That noise you just heard was a collective "duh"...but don't be so quick to "duh" me! We are living in a time of great confusion. Society's attitude toward the traditional roles of men and women has shifted dramatically in the last 50 years. Some of that is shifting back now, and it may be hard to know exactly where we are at any given moment.

There will be days when you look at your spouse and realize you don't have a clue what they are thinking or feeling. This is normal. As you get to know each other those times of confusion will lessen, and you will think you have it figured out, but then confusion will hit again.

Fortunately, we have a guide to marriage (and everything in life) that has not changed with the winds of society - the Bible. In it you will be reminded that God made men and women different for lots of reasons. We compliment each other's strengths and fill in for each other's weaknesses. We complete each other.

Take time every day to pray for your spouse, and for your own understanding of them. Go to God with your big problems, and the little ones too. Remember that you are different, but that you were made for each other.

The Beatles sang "all you need is love". That's a nice thought, and love may be all you will need some days. But to have a truly successful and happy marriage, you also need patience, kindness, respect, faith, and an understanding of your role.

I'll conclude with a sentiment from a poem I read long ago. I cannot seem to find the origin or the author, and I'm not sure I have it exactly right, but here it is:

God made woman from the rib of man.
Not from his feet to be below him, nor from his head to be above him.
But from his side to be equal with him, from under his arm to be protected by him, from near his heart to be loved by him.

Love God, love each other, and love your marriage. Treat it like the most important thing in your life. Because starting today, it is.

Wedding Week - Part V

Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III
Read Part IV

Just a few more things to tell you...for now. I reserve the right as your Aunt to offer unsolicited advice to infinity and beyond! (Just be grateful I offer it here so you can read it, then take it or leave it.)

Get to know each other. Sure, you think you know each other now. But living together is totally different from dating. What I'm talking about here are those little things that can make a huge difference in the quality of your day to day life.

I have a friend who absolutely needs 15 minutes of solitude when she gets home from work. Her husband and children know that she needs to put her things away, change into comfortable clothes, wash her face and take a few minutes to unwind. Then she's all theirs. They know and respect this need, and life is better for everyone involved.

Be smart with your money. Before I got married I knew money could be a big issue for couples, but I didn't understand how damaging bad financial habits can be in a relationship. Danny was actually much smarter than me about money when we first got married. Unfortunately, my bad habits rubbed off on him and we got into trouble more than once. Remember the difference between want and need. And be honest with yourselves and each other in all things, but especially in this area.

Build each other up. Sometimes it's fun to make fun of your spouse's cooking or driving skills. Or to put them down about what they do or don't do. Or berate them for starting yet another home project when the first ten they started have not been finished.

But think about it...every time you do that, especially in front of others, you might be planting a seed of doubt in your spouse's heart. A husband needs to feel that he's your hero, your provider and your protector. A wife needs to feel loved, cherished and attractive. Every little negative comment chips away at the foundation of a marriage.

Imagine that your spouse consistently praises you to others. Think about how that would make you feel. Then do it for them.

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Aunt Judie Helpful Hint #7

We interrupt our series on marriage advice to bring you the following Helpful Hint.

If you are fortunate enough to have a job where you can work from home occasionally, and if working from home means you choose to work in jeans and an old t-shirt, with no makeup, and you are also trying to meet a man that might be your next husband...

...you might want to pick a day when the fire alarm won't go off in your building before you have had a chance to brush your teeth.

Always look your best. You never know when you will find yourself in the company of five or ten manly-men-fire-fighter-guys.

Thank God I wasn't working in my pajamas.

Wedding Week - Part IV

Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III

Today's advice is a paradox...

Keep yourselves only for each other.

AND

It is good to spend time apart.

Let me start with the second part. Just because you are now "one" does not mean that you should spend every moment together. You have a lot of things you like to do together, but it's healthy to have activities that are your own. There is no hard and fast rule on this, but maybe one evening a week it would be OK to pursue your own hobbies or interests (as long as they don't violate the first part of the paradox, which we will get to shortly).

If you like scrapbooking and he likes paintball, make that your night apart. If she likes to sit alone and read a good book and you like to cheer on your favorite team, set aside time to pursue those things. Once a year, my husband's cousins and their spouses take off in different directions - the men to a "manly men's fishing trip", and the women to wherever they want. It might be a week or a long weekend, but it's something everyone looks forward to.

Just remember...like everything else, moderation is key. At the risk of sounding like Forrest Gump...time apart for a married couple is sort of like chocolate - a little is a sweet treat; too much gives you a tummy ache and zits.

So if you should spent time apart, how do you keep yourselves only for each other? By being faithful, of course. But what does that really mean?

This goes beyond adultery, the ultimate sin against your marriage. Fidelity is gone long before a spouse gives in to temptation and crosses that line where there is no doubt they have cheated. A person doesn't just wake up one day and decide to have an affair with a co-worker. It happens gradually, starting with seemingly innocent activities like going to lunch, drinks after work, flirting and fantasizing. The point is, none of this is innocent.

Your loyalty to your spouse is an everyday thing. All of your sexual attention belongs to them. All of it. From day one. When you are in a questionable situation, and you are not sure you should be there, pretend your spouse is there and act accordingly.

Just remember, from the day you say "I do" the most important person in the (earthly) world is your spouse...not your mother, not your kids and not your boss. And as such, your spouse deserves your utmost respect, love and attention. They deserve the best of you, because they also have to put up with the worst of you.

continued

Wedding Week - Part III

Read Part I
Read Part II

I'll try to do this one and still keep this a PG-rated blog.

Make the bedroom your sanctuary.

It's not just a room. It should be a pleasant escape from the world. It is the place where the two of you come together as husband and wife. It's the place where you sleep and dream and love. (I know you might "love" in other rooms too, but when I visit I would like to pretend that you don't, thank you very much.)

Here is my advice about the bedroom:

NO TELEVISION. Seriously. The bedroom is where you experience one of God's greatest gifts; the gift he designed specifically (and exclusively) for marriage. Do you really want the bedroom to be the place where you also get tomorrow's weather forecast or play Donkey Kong? Watching the news or a hockey game or "All in the Family" reruns can be done elsewhere. (Especially you who have a TV in every other room in the house...you know I'm talking to you.)

Decorate it together. I don't know for sure, but I suspect the bedroom on "Everybody Loves Raymond" (which I never watched in the bedroom) would have been decorated by both Ray and Debra since it was done in florals and plaid. However you do it, make sure it has elements - colors, textures and scents - that you both enjoy.

Keep it clean and fresh. Everything about the room should be warm and inviting. Clean sheets, fresh flowers and freshly-showered bodies are welcome. Dirty underwear on the floor and going to bed smelling like bug spray because you've been gardening are not conducive to a good night's sleep (or a good night of anything else).

Don't fight there. As I mentioned in Part II, don't go to bed angry. But as much as you can avoid it, don't be angry at all in your sanctuary. It should have only happy memories.

Remember what the bedroom is for. Make it your favorite room in the house. Sweet dreams!

continued

Wedding Week - Part II

Read Part I

This wise piece of advice comes from the Bible:

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
(Ephesians 4:26-27, New International Version)

Notice it doesn't say "don't get angry". Anger is an emotion, and God chose not to give us the ability to just turn our feelings on and off. But He did give us free will to make a choice of how to react. What this passage says is don't go to bed mad.

If Danny and I had practiced this, the early months of our marriage would not have been scarred by weeks of me giving him the silent treatment and a cold shoulder. As I look back now it was ridiculous. But at the time I didn't know how else to handle it.

He had hurt my feelings. I was trying to be playful in a newlywed kind of way, and he told me flat out that he wasn't interested. His words made me feel rejected and unattractive. I was hurt and angry. I could have just told him how I felt. It could have been over within hours, and we could have gone to bed at peace and started the next day in a good place. But instead I shut him out. I let my anger fester and dig in deep all those days and nights I clung to it. This black cloud polluted our marriage (and our marriage bed).

Making an agreement up front to never go to bed angry puts a deadline on the situation. You are forced to talk it out. You may have some late nights, especially in the beginning, but a late night is better than days or weeks of pain and the scar it leaves.

continued

Wedding Week - Part I

It's wedding week in my family. The first wedding of the next generation. And we're all very excited and proud.

So let me take this opportunity to really lay it on thick - my unsolicited advice, that is. These are just some thoughts from somebody who has been there. In my circle, I've seen many happy marriages, some awful marriages and too many divorces. And I was married for just over seven years. Here's the first and most important thing to remember:

Marriage is hard.

My parents were divorced when I was eight years old. Later in my teen years, I remember telling more than one person that when I got married I would MAKE IT WORK NO MATTER WHAT! I once said this to a divorced guy who could barely stifle his laughter. He wished me luck, and then told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

He was right.

When I first got married I knew that we would face challenges, but even at my advanced age and wisdom (ha ha), I expected that the two of us would almost always want the same things and would naturally work toward them together. I knew that the big challenges would come our way, but I expected that the day-to-day living would be easy because we were in love.

Expectations. Each one of us starts each day, each new adventure, each trip to the grocery store with expectations. We are unhappy (and sometimes angry) when our expectations are not met. I expected my husband to act a certain way, to say he was sorry when he unintentionally hurt my feelings, and to understand me (without me having to explain myself). Needless to say, I was disappointed a lot.

The best advice I can give you is to be aware of your expectations, recognize them for what they are, and adjust them when you can. When you find yourself angry or disappointed, think about what expectation was not met, and ask yourself not only if that expectation was reasonable, but also if your spouse had any idea of what you expected. Because neither of you is a mind reader (as far as I know).

continued

Lasting friendships

I just returned from another trip to my second home, with my late husband's family in Michigan. I got to see a lot of friends, and we figured out that we all met about 30 years ago. Thirty years!

What makes friendships last for decades, especially when you are hundreds of miles apart? Friendships start with having things in common, of course, but why do they last?

True friends, the ones who will be there for you no matter what, the ones you can pick up with after years as if no time has gone by, are the ones you can be totally yourself with.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss

A time to heal, a time to date

As you might have guessed from my lack of posting, yes...I did chicken out of the singles event at the local church two weeks ago. But my lack of attendance did lead to some interesting things.

When talking about my interest-turned-reluctance about re-joining the world of dating, I got a variety of feedback and (believe it or not) a couple of propositions! I guess the modern term is "hook-up", which is what two different male friends offered after I joked about what I really missed about being married (wink wink). I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted. What I was 100% sure about is my values, which do not allow for casual sex.

Then a few days later I was at a wedding. I met a man who used to work with the groom, and we got to talking about dating. He's recently divorced and going on a lot of "first dates". I told him my story and that I hadn't dated in the almost five years I've been a widow. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked what the heck I had been doing for the past five years.

I didn't have a good answer for him, so I said "nothing much". Which isn't true. I have been healing. I have gone to school. I have been furthering my career. But I have also been hiding from a part of life that scares me.

For the first couple of years after my husband died, I was positive I would never, ever wish to get married again. That feeling was natural, and it has passed. I now know I do want to get married again. God may or may not want to give me the gift of a new husband, but if He does He's sure not going to deliver him to my doorstep with a big red bow and a tag that says "Judie's New Husband" (wouldn't that be convenient).

The events of the last two weeks have had a profound effect on me (and the hook-up offers kinda freaked me out). A trusted friend suggested that this might just be God's way of telling me that it's time to move on to the next chapter of my life. You see, God wants the best for us and wants to answer our prayers. But we have to take steps too. The outcome is up to Him, but we have to do our part as well.

So watch out dating world, here I come!

Be where you are

My life isn't perfect, but it's pretty darn good.

This weekend is the start of wedding season...my niece-to-be's shower. I would not want to miss it for the world. But I also want to be somewhere else. At this very moment, a large group of friends is gathered 500 miles away for a fun weekend, and I had planned to be with them. I had to make a choice.

If life were perfect, we would not have to miss doing the things we want to do because of other things we want to do. Our schedules would never clash. But you cannot physically be two places at once. So I will make the most of where I am.

And who knows? Maybe there is a reason why this happened this way.

If I don't lose my nerve, I will do something tonight I could not have done it if I was 500 miles away...attend a social for over-35 singles at the local church.

Strange New World - Part IV

Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III

Why would I want to leave a very good job where I am highly valued? The key word in that sentence is "want".

I want to make more money.
I want to have an office instead of a cubicle.
I want to be considered a "real" manager.
I want to travel.
I want to advance.
I want to punish my boss when I don't think he's treating me right.

Some days the desire for those things is so powerful that I cannot imagine staying in my job one more day. And the next day those desires are gone, and I am perfectly content to be where I am.

That's the problem with "wants"...they are so tied up in emotions that they can change from one minute to the next, even when the underlying situation has not changed. So how do we know what's the best move for us to make? We don't.

But God does.

When I started this series a few weeks ago, I was absolutely sure I wanted that new job. And I did go to my boss to discuss it. Unlike the last time, he was reasonable, calm and professional. We discussed the details, and guess what? I'm not so perfect for the position after all. In my excitement, I had not fully considered what I would have to give up (school, my ability to work in Michigan when I want to so I can visit my family, my level of contact with the executives of the company). I gave it a few more days thought and decided not to apply.

But I didn't just give it thought. I prayed about it. I gave it to God, and was reminded that I am where I am because He wants me here. If God wanted me to change jobs, an opportunity would present itself in such a way that there would be little or no doubt about it.

So the strange new world I am exploring? It's not the next cool job that comes along. It's the world in which I take time every day to pray for God's guidance.

My mission...to meditate on and do His will, not mine.
To trust that I am right where He wants me to be.
To boldly go where God sents me.

Even if today it is just to my little cubicle, to do the work the company pays me for, and to do it in a way that glorifies God.

Strange New World - Part III

Read Part I
Read Part II

What I had not considered, due to my sometimes self-centered nature, is that maybe my boss was just having a bad day. Maybe I approached him at the worst possible time to tell him I wanted to apply for another job. I didn't really know him that well at the time, and perhaps could not read his moods.

An important part of interpersonal relations, whether at school or at work or at home, is knowing the right time to discuss a potentially difficult subject. Or how to deliver bad news. Not that we all have to be experts in human behavior to have a discussion with someone, or that you should put off bad news (because, as we say in project management, "bad news never gets better with age"). But knowing the right time and place can sometimes make the difference.

Looking back, I must admit that we were in the middle of a very important project. The pressure was high, and losing a member of his team at that time would have been very difficult for him. That does not excuse his behavior, because someone in a position of authority should never lose control like he did. But I think I understand why he was upset.

Fast-forward four years. We have been through a major reorganization of the department and many successful projects. Our department's reputation in the rest of the company is stellar...we are known for being on the leading edge of technology management. And I am a highly-valued member of the team.

So why would I want to leave?

to be continued

Strange new world - Part II

Read Part I

The thing is, I talked to my boss four years ago (after working for him for about six months) and discussed the need for me to be on a career path that included advancement opportunities. Since I was widowed and my only source of income was my own job, I had to make sure he knew that when opportunities for advancement came along I would be pursuing them.

It was a good discussion. I felt we came out of that meeting "on the same page". But I was in for a shock when that first opportunity came along just a few months later. I went for it...and immediately and angrily got shot down.

You see, in my company it is policy that before you apply for a new position you need to discuss it with your current manager. It's a good policy in the sense that the manager should not learn from somebody else that you are looking for another job. It's a bad policy in the sense that it can prevent people from pursuing opportunities for fear of offending their boss.

Which was what happened in my case. My boss seemed to take it as a personal slap in the face that I would want to leave his team. He got angry and defensive. He brought up our conversation of a few months prior and (from my perspective) twisted it to have meant that he would let me know of opportunities that might be suited for me, and that I was NOT to pursue them myself.

Since then I had resigned myself to the belief that in order to advance I would have to leave the company. Which was not fair! Why should I have to leave a company with 30,000+ employees and plenty of opportunity for growth because my boss did not want to let me go? Why did he say that he would not stand in my way and then do exactly that?

(to be continued)

Strange new world

One of my favorite old tv shows was the original Star Trek. I was talking to a friend at work yesterday about mission statements, and he reminded me that Star Trek started every week by stating it's mission:

Space...the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise.
Her five year mission...to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Nothing like knowing what your objective is when you show up for work in the morning!

My personal mission is to live long and prosper (God willing). So I'm about to explore a strange new world in my career. A job opportunity at my company appears to fit me perfectly. Had it come along even just a few months ago I might not have been ready for it. But today I am ready to overcome my fear and put myself out there.

My current boss does not think I am right for it, but that's OK. His opinion is no doubt skewed by the possibility of losing me. If I get the job I will proceed to prove him wrong (again) by exceeding his expectations.

If I don't get the job, that's OK too. What would NOT be OK is not moving forward because I'm scared. You sometimes have to take risks in life, and this is one of those times for me.

Wish me luck!

(to be continued)

Make today a masterpiece

I'm reading a book by John Maxwell called Today Matters. Not done with it yet, but I know I'll use a lot of the advice in there.

The main theme is that we only have today. Yesterday is over, behind a locked door, the key destroyed. The things I ate, the money I spent, the mistakes I made, the good things I did...all over and done with. Some consequences linger, but I cannot go back and change anything I did.

Tomorrow is a possibility, not a certainty. When co-workers say goodnight and "see you tomorrow", I always say "God willing" because we can hope for it, but we just don't know if we will see each other tomorrow.

But today...ah, what can we do with today? We can make it a masterpiece by practicing our faith, nurturing our relationships, learning, thinking, being responsible with the gifts God gives us, having a good attitude, and building on our knowledge and experience in our work.

Or we can just go along, living with regret, do the same thing over and over again expecting different results, harbor resentments for past hurts (real and imagined), not invest any time in learning and growing and fall into bed wondering what the hell was the point.

The decision is ours. Every minute of every day.

Cubbie cookies

I made these for a "baseball bakeoff" at work. I tied for the win!

Schoolhouse rock

Yep, I rock! I got a big fat "A" on my very first college paper! 48 out of 50 points rewarded. The two points were withheld due to a lack of details in a couple of spots.

I am currently ranked #2 in my class (I get to log into something called MyGradebook to see my scores). That will change, however, when last week's test scores get posted (didn't study enough and I know I didn't do well).

Sitting in class for three hours every Tuesday night can sometimes be less than fun. But the overall experience is great. I'm loving school!

Wish you had an early warning system?

In 2001, the year my father and husband both died suddenly, lots of other bad things happened. I had to remind myself not to think things like "my life cannot get worse" or "what will happen next". But I did sometimes wish I had a warning that something bad was going to happen.

But did I really want that? Even if I had warning, I might not have recognized it. And if I did, and there was nothing I could do about it, it would have just caused more pain.

As described in today's Our Daily Bread, God doesn't have a giant siren that screams to warn us that we are about to be attacked. But He does give us tools to remain alert and deal with whatever comes our way.

And He sometimes sets things up to make it easier when the horrible happens. I only recognized in hindsight that the moves on my life's checkerboard put me on the exact right square when my husband died.

Yes, bad things happen. No, we don't always get a warning. But we can work daily on our relationship with God and trust Him to give us what we need, put us where He wants us to be, and shine just enough light to see the next step.

Sweet 15

My niece Amanda's 15th birthday was last week, and she asked me to help her make her birthday cake. She came over Saturday night, and we decorated the cake that I bought "naked" at the grocery store bakery.

We borrowed this idea from Women's Day Magazine. Here's how our version turned out:


We giggled so much as we worked on the various parts and pieces that Amanda lost her voice! When we brought the cake to the party the next day, everyone was amazed. My nephew Bryan was the only one who figured out right away what this was:


(Tom Hanks and Wilson escaping the island in "Castaway").

Then it was time to cut into the cake, and big laughter. Seems when we iced the top of the lower layer of the cake we failed to notice that, because it was originally the bottom of the cake, it had a sheet of parchment paper baked into it! Made it a little harder to cut, to say the least. But it still tasted great!

Happy Birthday, Amanda! Start thinking of the cake you want next year...I want to do this again!

I'm sleeping with Alton Brown

Well, actually with his book.

It takes up a lot more room than the usual books I read in bed, but we all make sacrifices for love.


You can keep George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Give me a man who makes me laugh and makes me dinner, and my heart melts like butter.

Eat it up

Good Daily Bread today.

A journey of a thousand miles...

...starts with one step. Or several hundred in my case.

I joined the gym located in my apartment complex. This morning I walked 1.3 miles on the treadmill. I also weighed myself for the first time in two months. My total weight loss is 51 pounds since September. I really do need to post an updated picture in my profile.

Whatever your journey, take that first step or you'll go nowhere.

Thought for today

Guideposts Magazine is a treasure. Sometimes it's a longer article that gets me thinking. Sometimes it's just a few words in The Up Side quotes section (only available in the print edition):

"The antidote to fear is action."

Sometimes I don't realize that my hesitation to do something is actually based in fear because I don't think about it. I guess it's the fear of not doing something right that has most often caused me to not even try. But sometimes I did move past the fear, and it lead me to important and sometimes wonderful experiences.

Like what? Let's see...my year living in California when I was 20 (remind me to tell you about that)...my marriage (not all wonderful but mostly)...my job (which I had to step foward and claim when they didn't want to give it to me)...and lots more.

And what if I had let the fear of not doing it perfectly prevent me from embarking on my cookie adventures? I'm doing so well with the cookies that it might just turn into a real business for me. Look out Mrs. Fields!

Action truly is the antidote for fear. Move forward. Ask for God's blessing and step out in the faith. Don't pray and ask for the fear to be removed before you act...ask for the guidance and strength to take the next step.

I love Chicago radio

The only time I listen to the radio is in my car. Reception both in the office and at home is spotty, unless it's a really powerful station.

When I moved last year, my commute tripled - from five minutes to 15! So I've been able to enjoy more radio variety. I probably change stations at least three times every trip.

I listen mostly to AM talk radio. The six preset buttons are positioned in such a way as to allow me to move from news to talk to Christian talk to sports (that one I hit usually by accident).

My favorite time is the drive home after work. I've got three stations going...one comedy guy from Chicago, one super-liberal political gal from Florida and one super-conservative guy from San Francisco. I especially love it when the political hosts are both screaming about the same subject. It's fascinating to hear two sides of the same story spinning in different directions. But when the screaming gets to be too much noise, I go back to the comedy guy.

Give it a try. In Chicago, its 560, 850 and 890 AM.

Monday Cookies

I'm running late, but wanted to make sure you saw this weekend's results.
Aren't they pretty? I tried a couple new icing and cookie recipes. And I started playing with fondant (the flowers).

But my favorite new thing is the shiny accents. It's an edible paint called Lustre Dust.

I'm off to work now...more later!

Life Lessons from Music Class - Part II

Read Part I

The other thing about Bach I wanted to mention was that, well, let me quote from my textbook:

Bach was a deeply religious man--a Lutheran--who wrote the letters J.J., standing for Jesu Juva (Jesus help), at the beginning of each of his sacred compositions and S.D.G. for Soli Deo Gloria (to God alone the glory) at the end.

(Music: An Appreciation Fifth Brief Edition by Roger Kamien)

It may have appeared to the casual observer that Bach was writing music just for the paycheck. But ultimately he was doing it for the glory of God.

What difference would it make in our lives if, no matter what we do, we made a conscious decision to do it for God's glory? What if we put aside the notion that we have to impress our friends, our boss or co-workers, the world? Would it change the decisions we make?

I bet it would.

Life Lessons from Music Class

In my Music Appreciation class, we are currently studying the Baroque period in music (1600-1750). And I'm finding that this class, besides teaching me the basics of music theory and history, is also teaching me life lessons.

Have you heard of any of these composers? Tomoso Albonini, Heinrich Ignaz Franz von Biber, Christoph Willebald von Gluck, Johann Sebastian Bach, Girolamo Frescobaldi?

If you're like me, the only one you may have heard of is Bach. But guess what? Bach wasn't a very well known composer while he was alive. These other guys were famous in their time. They were probably admired like the rock or rap stars of today.

Bach was known more for his church organ and harpsichord playing. When he wasn't on tour, he worked at his "regular job"...he had to write an "cantata" - an entire church service worth of songs - every week! Back then, musicians were primarily hired by the church or nobility. It was his job to compose music and he had quotas and deadlines.

So he lives and he dies, and he leaves behind hundreds and hundreds of musical works (many which have since been lost). And it's not until 80 years after his death that his music becomes not just popular, but revered for its beauty and genius of musical architecture.

Once of the things I sometimes struggle with at my job is boredom and drudgery. Most days lately it is just not any fun. I do mundane tasks and wonder when I will next get to do something creative or meaningful. I wonder if Bach ever felt that way. Maybe he liked composing, but sometimes felt it was boring because he had to churn out so much of it.

But we don't know what impact our lives and our work will have now and in the future. At work, I may never be known as the "Bach of project management", but the work I do is contributing in an important way to the success of a company that employs 30,000 people.

And in life we all contribute, in many ways, to either the good or the bad of this world. We all have an impact, even if we never know it.

More Cookies

I'm off work today for the President's Day Holiday. I've got lots of tasks on my list for today (including putting away the Christmas decorations), but the first thing was to finish some COOKIES!


Mostly I'm just practicing. But the teapot is a variation of a design I did for my first paying gig...I made 40 teapot cookies in pink/ivory tones for a friend who was hosting a bridal shower at a Teahouse.

These are the first cookies I've made since the bridal shower cookies that my niece Sarah and I made just after Christmas. Wait...I don't think I showed you those:


The nice thing about this hobby is that even if you screw up the design, the cookies are still good to eat. My co-workers will be very happy tomorrow!

Busy busy busy

Just checking in to let you know I'm here. I've let myself get too busy and I just need to make more time to write.

This past weekend I had guests for dinner, went to church, worked in the church office, and attended an opera. And I've got lots of homework to do tonight.

I wasted a lot of my life being lazy and doing not much of anything. This is a nice change.

Happy New Year!

Hi everyone. I promised my sister I would post today no matter what. One of the character defects I've been working on is my perfectionism, which is directly related to another, which is procrastination. I put things off until I can do them "perfectly". Of course, there's no such thing.

So here I am, rushing to get a post out there so the pic of me in my Christmas pajamas can get off the top (even though it's a nice picture, I'm sick of seeing it too). Speaking of pictures, I am going to change my profile picture because I've lost 45 pounds and it's showing on my face. But the one I want is on a disk in my car so I'll have to do it later.

The new year is going great. I've been getting ready for school, which starts next week. Yesterday I put the window decal on my car that declares that I am a college student. My books are bought and I've done a dry run to the school to time my arrival. I went to the New Student Orientation this week and I ran into a friend there who is also taking classes at night!

Have you made any New Year's Resolutions? I haven't done that in years, opting instead for setting goals. If you have made resolutions, you may have broken them already. Don't worry. The power to change your life is available to you in every minute. Don't wait until next year, or next month or next Monday. Pray for guidance, set a goal, make a plan to achieve it. Then take the first step. If that step is upon the right path, God will reward you with what you need.

The best Christmas ever!

We had so much fun yesterday! Pajama Christmas was great! Almost everyone participated in the pajama part. Here's me in my Ice Skating Polar Bear pjs with matching slippers:


We started with a fabulous breakfast of two kinds of egg puffs...wait...here's the menu (a little rubbed off cause somebody leaned against it):


After the brunch dishes were done, we opened presents! Another new tradition this year was to pull names from a hat to see who opened the next present. Previously, we started with the youngest opening all their gifts at once and moving up in age. That used to be great when I was younger but now it stinks! My name was pulled about 4th or 5th. I received lovely earrings and a contribution to one of my favorite charities (The Smile Train).

I spent most of the afternoon scanning pictures. We ended up with 330 pictures on a CD we gave to every household at the end of the day, including lots of pics of my dad as a young man. This is one of my favorites:


Around 5 o'clock we had our supper...yummy ham sandwiches, cucumber salad, fruit and two kinds of potatoes (mine plus a sweet potato casserole). Dessert was cookies and cake. The day ended shortly after "da Bears" beat the Packers (woo-hoo!).

Everyone had such a good time. The day was relaxed, comfortable and fun. The only thing I would have done differently is to move the photo project into the living room instead of working on it in the bedroom. They offered me a table out there, but I had already set up and didn't want to move.

And Christmas isn't over for me! Tomorrow I head to Michigan to celebrate Christmas with Daniel's family. What a bonus to have two families to love and who love me!

This Christmas was the best ever, not just because of what I have described above. I have been so blessed this year, especially the last few months. Through what can only be described as a miracle, I made it through the baking and decorating of hundreds of cookies, the daily availability of wonderful goodies at the office, the preparation of six pounds of cheesy mashed potatoes, and the two biggest eating holidays known to man, and not once was I tempted to overeat. Through God's grace, I have been released of my food compulsion (and approximately 40 pounds so far).

I am enjoying life, moment by moment, living an attitude of gratitude in everything. I have never been happier. Thank you, Lord, for the best Christmas ever!

Merry Pajama Christmas!

It's early Christmas morn. I've got lots to do before heading to my sister's home for the day. Our Christmas Day tradition has been an early dinner there since she and her husband got married. It is wonderful! They are extremely good cooks, and we have a different menu every year. I usually start asking "what's cooking for Christmas?" sometime in October.

This year we are starting a new tradition. Because my niece really, really, really didn't want to get out of her pajamas when company was due last year, she came up with the idea of "Pajama Christmas". We're starting with brunch in our pajamas, and if you want you can stay in them all day. We're also having the fabulous dinner, and this year several of us are bringing side dishes or desserts so the cooks don't have to make absolutely everything. I'm bringing my own invention...cheddar ranch mashed potatoes with fried onion topping (mmmmmmmm).

And since we're going to be there all day long, I came up with an idea for a project to do. Everyone is bringing pictures that they think the family would like a copy of. We're going to scan them all and at the end of the day give each household a CD with all the pictures, including pics taken today in our pajamas! I just love digital photography!

Well, gotta get going. I need to start packing up my red shopping cart (it really is red) with gifts, potatoes, cookies, my computer and scanner and CDs and labels, a change of clothes in case I get tired of being in my pjs, and probably more stuff that I'm forgetting about. I'll report back later.

Have a wonderful day!

Some more cookies

I made these for a friend to take to a cookie exchange:


And I'm not done yet...I have a few more batches to make before Christmas, to give as gifts. Plus next week when I'm visiting the Michigan family, we're making wedding cookies and Happy New Year cookies.

Too much fun!

You can call me Martha Stewart Jr.

I really am having fun with my home projects. First the cookies. Now this:


With the limited space in my kitchen, and my renewed interest in cooking, I needed more efficient access to some of the tools I use alot. I had this fancy curtain rod left over from my previous apartment.

The first thing I thought of was a place to hang my coffee mugs and kitchen towels. After some internet surfing, this idea came to me when I saw an ad for a similar, but smaller, hanging basket/utensil system. I used coat hooks, ribbon, key rings, chrome racks and s-hooks.

I also bought this chicken utensil holder which goes well with my cooking lady from Poland and Big Boy salt and pepper shakers:


Unfortunately, still no room for the kitchen towels. Oh, well...it's still a good thing.

The Rose

Heard this old song for the first time in years the other day.

The Rose
written by Amanda McBroom

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

I am 45 years old, and I feel like I am finally blossoming into the person God meant me to be. Some flowers take longer than others to bloom.

Never give up.

The Great Cookie Experiment of 2005 is a Success!

It's finally done! More than a week of my life dedicated almost solely to cookies. But I think it was a huge success. My cookies got lots of "oooh" and "aaahhh" reactions at the cookie packing event. Here is part of the assembly line:


And here is the end result:


Somehow when the cookies were weighed in to give each person credit, we came up with about 180 pounds (my contribution weighed in at just over 10 pounds). Once they were all packed, we had 190 one-pound boxes, and several large trays of leftovers for serving after the concert tonight. Sort of like Jesus and the fish and bread, in a tastier but much smaller and historically insignificant way.

I ended up with a lot of leftover ingredients. So I made two batches of sugar cookie dough - one with lemon and one with orange - and they are triple-wrapped and in the freezer for future use (just let me know if you need some cookies and I'll bake for you). I made macaroons from the leftover coconut that I'm bringing to church. I made twelve individual egg casseroles for quick breakfasts that are in the freezer. Plus I did grocery shopping, made a pot of soup, and did the laundry...all last night after I got home from a whole day at church. One of the most productive days in my entire life. Feels good!

I'm off to church now...gonna be another very long but satisfying day!

Cookies - Snowflakes, Bells and Stockings

I baked one more batch of sugar cookies, this time with pineapple flavoring. I was going for a coconut-pineapple combo. But adding coconut to the top of the cookie made them too big/thick for the cookie sale (we pack lots of different cookies in each box to sell).

The snowflakes were decorated in a variety of ways:


My favorite snowflakes are these:


I would have finished all of them like that, but I was running out of time. Same with the bells...I would have liked to spend more time making them fancier, but they are still pretty:


And when the hour was late, I knew I would not have time for the icing to dry if I did the last of the stockings with the flow icing like before. So instead, I just painted on a thin coat of the red and white icing, and dipped them into the big sugar crystals:


I kinda like that almost better!

Well, I'm off to the church for cookie packing. I ended up with five shirt boxes of cookies (multiple layers in each box). I'm gonna take some pictures there and post a wrap up later today.

Cookies - First Finished Product

We're down to the wire. Today and tomorrow is all I have left to finish the cookies for the cookie sale.

Here are the candy canes:


And here are the stockings:


More to come tonight!

Cookies - Birthday Surprise 3

Check it out...the birthday cake cookies turned out great!


The icing is hardened and the cookies will be on their way via Fed Ex tomorrow. I feel confident that decorating the Christmas Cookies will be a breeze now that I have had lots of icing practice.

Time for bed...I'm still having fun with this project but I'm looking forward to having my regular life back.

Cookies - Birthday Surprise 2

Had mixed results with the icing for the birthday cake cookies. Some of it did not dry hard enough:


I may not be able to ship cookies to my out of town friend, but I can deliver a few to my other friend this weekend. But I to have to get back to the Christmas cookies tonight because those are top priority.

Funny story...I decided to buy a hair net for obvious reasons (it's one thing to find your own hair in food, but for others to find it...super-yuk!). Last night I was doing laundry and icing cookies in between trips to the laundry room. And yes, the one time there is a cute guy there, at the machine right next to mine, I realized that I had forgotten to take off the hair net.

Well, he was too young for me anyway.

Cookies - Birthday Surprise

Two of my good friends are having birthdays this week. I am making them some birthday cake cookies:


Lucky for the folks at work, I broke a few. Plus I made the other cookies from the dough that got too warm to roll:

I had made the dough last night, but baked all this and made two batches of Royal Icing this morning (I've been up since four)! Gotta quick eat breakfast, make my lunch and get to work. I might just make it on time.

Bye for now!

Cookies - The Icing Cometh 2

Well, I woke up with energy and a desire to ice cookies. So I worked on the red color and here's the result:


Now I'm really jazzed! I think I know what consistency to make the piped outline and the flow for the inside. I'm going to get back to the store for a couple more items, including squeeze bottles to apply the flow icing, and finalize the plans for the week. I'm thinking stockings, candy canes, teddy bears and bells. Plus the sandwich cookies (all I have to do is assemble them on Friday).

This is so much fun!

Cookies

Here's today's yield:


Did more practice with the icing. It's an interesting craft. I need to let what I did harden before I can start with other colors.

I was going to do more, but boy am I tired! I made some soup for the week, and I'm heading for bed.

I'll write more later in the week when we see how the icing goes.

Cookies - The Icing Cometh

What do you suppose the chances are that the stuff you couldn't find in the store, you would find at CHURCH?

On a normal Sunday, not much of a chance. But today there is a Gingerbread House party! And I happened to mention to the lady in charge that I couldn't stay because I had to bake cookies, and that I was hoping to have better luck finding meringue powder today. Well, just who happened to have an extra can of the stuff (leftover from their supplies for the house building)?

So anyway, I've made my first test batch. I'm going for that shiny, hard, colorful icing look, using this method.

Here's my first attempt. I'm testing piping the border, the flow icing consistency and coloring:


What I learned so far:

1. I like this icing recipe better than the one I used yesterday. That took too long to dry.
2. Don't stir the extra water into the flow icing too fast...it will create air bubbles.
3. I'm gonna need lots more powdered sugar!

I'm gonna whip up some more icing samples, then get back to baking.

And my test samples from yesterday are gone. The kids at church LOVED them.

Finally, if you don't believe in miracles, just think about this. I made at least 200 cookies yesterday, and did not eat even one!

The Great Cookie Experiment - Day 2

Yesterday's efforts were a great success! Jan's cookies turned out very well. My sandwich cookies will be wonderful. I really got the hang of rolling the dough.

This morning I finished cleaning up and setting up for today's baking. But it's off to church first. On the way home I need to pick up more butter and can hopefully find some meringue powder for the other icing recipe I want to try. Today's experimental focus is on coloring the icing and piping it onto the sugar cookies.

Fun fun fun! See you later!

Cookies - Lemon Raspberry Sandwich

It looks like the sandwich cookie idea is going to work well. I made them in different shapes, and sugared the tops.



I'll freeze these until Friday, when I'll take them out and assemble them with the raspberry preserves. They will be a prettier version of these test cookies.



Try as I might, I could not finish the entire batch of dough. There's probably about 5 dozen worth left. But I needed a break! In a little while, I'll finish baking the batch tonight, and make another batch of dough to bake tomorrow.

Not a bad day's work. Might be back tonight, might not. Will defintely post tomorrow.

Cookies - Rolled Sugar Cookies Batch 1

I got the receipe for No Fail Sugar Cookies and it looked pretty straight forward. The hard part, I think, is learning to roll the dough to the thickness you need.

This first test batch is in the oven:



The ones on the bottom are intended to be lemon sandwich cookies with raspberry filling. The ones on the top I will use to practice Royal Icing decorating.

Gotta check the oven...

...hmmm...seems it's running hotter than it was this morning. Cooking time will certainly depend on thickness, but I think 8 minutes will be good for the sandwich cookies.



What I learned on this batch:

1. This dough recipe is neat...it's the consistency of dry Play-Dough.
2. Bake one sheet of cookies at a time, and stay away from the edges of the oven.
3. Check the oven temperature before baking.

Cookies - Chocolate Orange Spritz

These I'm having a little trouble shooting onto the cookie sheet. But they are worth it! This is what my sister is bringing to her cookie exchange. I used orange extract in the cookie, and they are frosted with Royal Icing and sprinkled with yellow sugar:



We need to finish these today so she can take them home. Plus, I'm taking a lunch break. Be back later with the next cookie!

Cookies - Classic Spritz Batch 3 & 4

Ah ha! With the one-pull of the trigger, and a cooking time of 10 minutes, batch four turned out the best!



Actually, this picture is Batch 3. Batch 4 had no brown edges.

Onto the next batch of dough!

Cookies - Classic Spritz Batch 2

While my only cookie sheet cooled, I added some green food coloring to the remaining dough and changed the disk to a Christmas tree shape.

What I've learned on this batch:

1. My quantities are probably off because I think I read the directions of the cookie press wrong...I'm pulling the trigger twice, and once is good.
2. Food coloring is hard to wash off my hands.
3. I've caught myself several times trying to lick my fingers (habit). That is not only unsanitary, cookie dough is not in my eating plan (especially between meals).
4. If you leave your hair in a Turbie Twist too long, it creates an interesting dent in the front of your hairline (nothing to do with cookies, but still a good lesson to remember).

Good news! My sister just called and she's coming over to play cookie chef with me. She's stopping at the store for cookie sheets. God bless her!

Here's batch 2. You can see I am getting the hang of the cookie press. Also, these were a bit overdone, so next batch will be 11 minutes:

Cookies - Classic Spritz Batch 1

Making the Classic Spritz cookie recipe from Pampered Chef. The cookies are in the oven now.

What I've learned so far:

1. I need more cookie sheets (I have one...duh).
2. Butter does not adequately soften in four hours if you keep your apartment's thermostat at 60 degrees overnight.
3. Spritz cookies shot from the cookie press don't stick well to parchment paper (I'm supposed to be using a baking stone, but don't have one for cookies).
4. Recipes lie about how much they yield. This one says 6-7 dozen. If I'm lucky, I'll get 3 dozen (but maybe I did something wrong).
5. Almond extract smells good (I used it instead of vanilla).
6. My oven thermostat is off...I have to set it at 400 degress to get it to 375 degrees.

Here they are...hot from the oven! I took them out at 10 minutes. I'll set the timer for 12 minutes for the next batch:

The Great Cookie Experiment

It's three o'clock in the morning. I have risen at this unusual hour to take the butter out of the frig to soften. For at sunrise, the Great Cookie Experiment of 2005 begins!

I'm making cookies to donate to the choir for their homemade Christmas cookie sale, plus I'm making extras for a few other occasions. It has been years since I've baked cookies from scratch.

Stay tuned all weekend for my "liveblogging" reports on turning this:


into yummy, pretty cookies. And what about the ones that might be yummy but not so pretty? I'll bring those to work, where free food never goes to waste!

Goodbye, sweet boy

There is something universally tragic about the death of a child. And it doesn't matter how old the "child" is, in the scheme of life it just seems very wrong for parents to outlive their offspring. It's not how it is "supposed" to be.

But it happens every day.

Yesterday we said a final goodbye to Jonathan. This little boy was born with severe handicaps, lived a good portion of his life in the hospital, and died just a few weeks before his second birthday. He was loved by many people. His mother and father, troubled by many things in their lives having nothing to do with their son, loved him and took care of him as best they could.

My faith tells me that for the first time, Jonathan is now laughing and playing and has no pain. I imagine him in a playground being pushed on the swings by my Daniel, who in many ways never grew up. I'll bet Jesus has his hands full with the two of them up there!

Human life is both miraculous and fragile. None of us knows when ours will be over. None of us knows how long we have to live the life God intended. But every single life, no matter how long, has a purpose.

Perhaps the purpose of Jonathan's short life was to expand our capacity to love.

The longest summer

Twenty seven years and four months after my graduation from high school, I have enrolled for college. I start classes in January. Even for a world-class procrastinator like myself, this one is a doozy!

Depending on how much work I can handle, I should get my degree in 8-10 years, God willing.

Several of my nieces and nephews are working on the choosing and getting into college thing right now. There are a lot of factors in play when making these types of decisions. When I was their age, college was not a priority for me. We didn't have the money, for sure. But if I really, really wanted to go I would have figured out a way.

Back then you could get a pretty good job without a degree. But now, not having that degree has seriously limited my options. About 99% of the job listings I read have a degree requirement. Hence my adventure as a middle-aged college student begins.

My advice to you, dear ones, is to continue with school. Whether it is full time, part time, away from home or close to home, online, whatever. Work toward that goal of a degree, even if it's going to take a long time. It will be worth it.

And if your parents are paying, be very grateful. Lots of us never had that opportunity. And if you cannot go to the college of your choice, compromise and make the best decision you can. You never know what God has in store for you. Maybe your fifth-choice college is where you will meet your destiny.

Laundry Lesson

If you go to a coin laundry, here's a valuable tip from me:

Make sure you have your quarters before you fill the machines and dump soap on your clothes!

Last night for the first time since I moved to my new apartment building, the change machine in the laundry room was malfunctioning. It would not take my $10 bill. I found another $10 bill and it would not take that one either. I ended up going across the street, in the rain, to the store to break the $10. I didn't want to buy any food, so I bought a lottery ticket. Luckily, the machine then took my singles and fives. I don't know where I would have gotten quarters if the machine was totally broken.

Anyway, here's the bright side. If I win the $165 million lotto tonight, it will only be because the change machine malfunctioned. Then I can hire somebody to do my laundry!

Hymn of Promise

There are several songs we sing in church that I love so much that I cannot get through them without crying. This one is especially touching to me now.

Hymn of Promise
Words and Music by Natalie A. Sleeth

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

I feel like God has promised me that I can be a butterfly, but I've been stuck in a cocoon most of my life. My recovery is me struggling to emerge from that cocoon.

I hope that someday, when I am healed, God will grant me the ability to sing this loud and strong.

A time to heal

There comes a time in life when what you are doing to ease your pain becomes more painful than the pain you are trying to ease. That strange sentence will make perfect sense to anyone who has struggled to overcome an addiction.

It has taken me my entire adult life to admit that my weight problem is just the end result of an addiction to food. I use food the way some people use alcohol or drugs - to dull my senses and stuff down my emotions.

By the grace of God and the fellowship of loving people with the same problem, I am recovering from my addiction, one day at a time. In fact, today marks the 30th time in a row I have abstained from compulsive overeating for just one day.

But I am just at the beginning. There are a lot of tears and struggles ahead of me. But being addicted to overeating is now more painful than facing what I've been hiding from. And like changing the bandages on a bad burn, it's gonna hurt a lot. But it's the only way to heal.

Please pray for me.

A time to think, a time to feel

I was going to leave the commentary about Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath to others. There are thousands of people on the Web, on TV and in newspapers giving their opinion about what went wrong and who's to blame. I try to read an equal amount from all sides, disregarding the very extreme edge of each (such as the CIA has control over the weather or that God smote a certain city to punish sinners).

But the more I read, the more it struck me...how differences of opinion are often driven by the difference between thinking and feeling.

God created us human beings with both intellect and emotion, and these are meant to be in a balance. Some situations call for more feeling than thinking, some situations need the opposite. Some, like the response to a natural or man-made disaster, require mostly reason and logic to get through the immediate emergency, and less of the emotion that, while being the basis of compassion, could easily overwhelm our logic. Once the crisis has passed, we need to get back to a balance of reason and emotion when developing long-term solutions.

As you read or watch coverage of the disaster, take a moment to note if what the people are saying is based on emotion or reason. Then take your analysis one more step by ascertaining the possible motives of the people you are observing. And when you form your opinion, are you doing it based facts you believe to be true or what you feel about what you think you know?

What happened before and after Hurricane Katrina is tragic. No doubt mistakes were made. No doubt we will learn a lot more in the coming days, weeks and months. No doubt we have to be better prepared for the next time (there is always a next time).

But when you hear a politician or news reporter or celebrity lay all the blame at the feet of one person or institution or organization to the exclusion of all others, keep plenty of room for doubt in your own mind. Consider their motives, their emotions and their knowledge of the facts.

Think first, then feel.