Monday, October 31, 2005

Hymn of Promise

There are several songs we sing in church that I love so much that I cannot get through them without crying. This one is especially touching to me now.

Hymn of Promise
Words and Music by Natalie A. Sleeth

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

I feel like God has promised me that I can be a butterfly, but I've been stuck in a cocoon most of my life. My recovery is me struggling to emerge from that cocoon.

I hope that someday, when I am healed, God will grant me the ability to sing this loud and strong.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

A time to heal

There comes a time in life when what you are doing to ease your pain becomes more painful than the pain you are trying to ease. That strange sentence will make perfect sense to anyone who has struggled to overcome an addiction.

It has taken me my entire adult life to admit that my weight problem is just the end result of an addiction to food. I use food the way some people use alcohol or drugs - to dull my senses and stuff down my emotions.

By the grace of God and the fellowship of loving people with the same problem, I am recovering from my addiction, one day at a time. In fact, today marks the 30th time in a row I have abstained from compulsive overeating for just one day.

But I am just at the beginning. There are a lot of tears and struggles ahead of me. But being addicted to overeating is now more painful than facing what I've been hiding from. And like changing the bandages on a bad burn, it's gonna hurt a lot. But it's the only way to heal.

Please pray for me.