Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Bros and hos (Part 4)

(Start from Part 1)

I believe that the meaning of life is found in our relationships. What other aspect of life truly defines who you are? Your looks? Your job? Your money? Those are just things you have. From the most casual to the most intimate relationships, the way we treat people - and the way we allow people to treat us - reflect our character and our self-worth.

So what is the meaning found in the bro-ho relationship? To be a ho to a bro seems to mean that you are allowing yourself to be used to fulfill his immediate needs without much (if any) consideration of your own. Maybe you feel you are just having some harmless fun and it is all part of being young. Maybe you hope that the casual will lead to the serious, and I suppose that could happen. But remember...each encounter says something about you. Just make sure it is what you want said.

Same goes for you bros. Maybe you don't care about what your lifestyle says about you to people outside your bro-hood. But someday you might. Some day you may want the kind of relationship that takes place outside the bedroom (or car or hot tub or alley) and lasts for more than one night. Maybe some day you will have a daughter. And the kind of relationships you have will absolutely have an effect on the kind of relationships she has.

Back to those two young people who started this story. Is said guy a bro? On a scale from one (has a circle of male friends with whom he enjoys spending time) to ten (Tucker Max), maybe he's a three (still plays an occasional game of beer pong). Is said gal a ho? Obviously not, or she would not have hesitated to meet said guy.

What would be really sad is if said guy is what said gal says is the "worst kind of bro" - a nice guy who thinks he has to act like a bro.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Bros and hos (Part 3)

Start at Part 1

Changes in societal norms happen over time. When we are young, we are living within a time, and we are not seeing that things were ever different than they are right now. So you gals of a certain age might not know that calling each other bitches and hos used to be extremely insulting. Perhaps you cannot imagine a time when a girl getting a tattoo was taboo.

And that's OK. Trends come and go, and most trends - especially those relating to fashion - are ultimately harmless. Like the trend of guys getting perms (early 1980s). Although somewhat horrifying in retrospect, it was short-lived and was naturally resolved in the time it took to grow it out.

What disturbs me about today's culture isn't that girls call each other hos. It's that actually being what we called a whore or a slut back then is no longer outside the realm of acceptable behavior. It appears to be close to the norm now.

Hear me out before you write me off as just an old prude. I'm not referring to sex between consenting adults in a committed relationship, or even the "friends with benefits" thing. I'm talking about women wilfully offering themselves up as the very "sex objects" that, in my day, men were villified for desiring. During the wave of feminism that I experienced, those types of men were referred to as "male chauvinist pigs".

Just a few decades ago, the feminist movement fought to empower women through educational achievement and professional equality. The goal was a society in which women and men could compete at an equal level. The struggle was about banishing every negative stereotype of female sexuality. Today, those very stereotypes are not only accepted, but are actually held up as the new standard of empowerment for women.

Hos, you have given the bros exactly what they wanted.