Read Part I
This wise piece of advice comes from the Bible:
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
(Ephesians 4:26-27, New International Version)
Notice it doesn't say "don't get angry". Anger is an emotion, and God chose not to give us the ability to just turn our feelings on and off. But He did give us free will to make a choice of how to react. What this passage says is don't go to bed mad.
If Danny and I had practiced this, the early months of our marriage would not have been scarred by weeks of me giving him the silent treatment and a cold shoulder. As I look back now it was ridiculous. But at the time I didn't know how else to handle it.
He had hurt my feelings. I was trying to be playful in a newlywed kind of way, and he told me flat out that he wasn't interested. His words made me feel rejected and unattractive. I was hurt and angry. I could have just told him how I felt. It could have been over within hours, and we could have gone to bed at peace and started the next day in a good place. But instead I shut him out. I let my anger fester and dig in deep all those days and nights I clung to it. This black cloud polluted our marriage (and our marriage bed).
Making an agreement up front to never go to bed angry puts a deadline on the situation. You are forced to talk it out. You may have some late nights, especially in the beginning, but a late night is better than days or weeks of pain and the scar it leaves.
continued
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