Wedding Week - Part I

It's wedding week in my family. The first wedding of the next generation. And we're all very excited and proud.

So let me take this opportunity to really lay it on thick - my unsolicited advice, that is. These are just some thoughts from somebody who has been there. In my circle, I've seen many happy marriages, some awful marriages and too many divorces. And I was married for just over seven years. Here's the first and most important thing to remember:

Marriage is hard.

My parents were divorced when I was eight years old. Later in my teen years, I remember telling more than one person that when I got married I would MAKE IT WORK NO MATTER WHAT! I once said this to a divorced guy who could barely stifle his laughter. He wished me luck, and then told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

He was right.

When I first got married I knew that we would face challenges, but even at my advanced age and wisdom (ha ha), I expected that the two of us would almost always want the same things and would naturally work toward them together. I knew that the big challenges would come our way, but I expected that the day-to-day living would be easy because we were in love.

Expectations. Each one of us starts each day, each new adventure, each trip to the grocery store with expectations. We are unhappy (and sometimes angry) when our expectations are not met. I expected my husband to act a certain way, to say he was sorry when he unintentionally hurt my feelings, and to understand me (without me having to explain myself). Needless to say, I was disappointed a lot.

The best advice I can give you is to be aware of your expectations, recognize them for what they are, and adjust them when you can. When you find yourself angry or disappointed, think about what expectation was not met, and ask yourself not only if that expectation was reasonable, but also if your spouse had any idea of what you expected. Because neither of you is a mind reader (as far as I know).

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