The Kid

In the movie The Kid Bruce Willis plays Russ, a successful consultant who is about to turn 40 years old. He makes a lot of money, but is still single, has almost no friends, and doesn't want anything to do with his family, especially his father. He doesn't remember his childhood, and his left eye twitches when he is stressed.

One day Russ finds (or maybe hallucinates) a kid in his house who he soon realizes is himself from the past...about to turn 8 years old. The Kid's name is Rusty and he is chubby, has a bad haircut and talks funny. When Russ discovers that other people can actually see Rusty, he tries to figure out why The Kid is there.

At first Russ thinks it is happening so he can give Rusty advice so Rusty won't be such a "pathetic dweeb". Well, Rusty isn't so anxious to accept advice from his almost-40 self, because he sees Russ as a "dog-less, chick-less, jerk with a twitch." Each thinks the other is a loser.

In the end, they can't change the past. But they do help each other. Russ teaches Rusty to stand up for himself, and Rusty helps Russ remember and understand a horrible, life-changing event, the day when that twitch first appeared.

This story hit home for me big time. Eight was an awful age for me, with a big horrible life-changing event.


What would she say to me if my eight-year-old self saw me right now? And what would I say to her about how I got to be the me I am today? Well, it doesn't matter because the past is past. All any of us can do is move forward and make the changes we want to make in our own lives.

Although I might tell her that she won't always be a pathetic dweeb with a bad haircut, buck teeth and ugly glasses. Well, at least the hair and glasses have changed.

Thoughts about thoughts

Change your thoughts and you change your world.
(Norman Vincent Peale, the author of The Power of Positive Thinking)

Do you believe that is true? I do. But it is not easy to change one's thoughts. We get used to how we think about things and those thoughts almost become automatic. But consider what your days would be like if you adopted even one of these Peale quotes as part of your personal philosophy:

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.

Do not be awe struck by other people and try to copy them. Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can.

Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture...Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.

Think enthusiastically about everything; but especially about your job. If you do, you'll put a touch of glory in your life. If you love your job with enthusiasm, you'll shake it to pieces. You'll love it into greatness.

Try it!

The fabulous forties

"I'm gonna be 40, and it's freaking me out."

I overheard this a few months ago from a woman customer at the counter of a clothing store. The woman behind the counter told her customer not to worry, that the forties are the "best time of your life". Not surprisingly, the customer reacted with scepticism! I couldn't help myself...I walked up behind the woman and whispered "in your forties you finally stop caring about what other people think of you."

It was the thought that came into my head at the moment, but that's not exactly what I meant. Of course I care what people think about me! I still want people to like me. I want to make a good impression with my work, my attitudes and my looks (by making the most of what I have). I still want men to think I'm pretty. But I have reached a point in my life where I finally know that what other people think about me does not define me.

If I let what other people think about me define me, I would be prudish, closed-minded, judgmental, fat, lazy and lacking in self-control. I have been called some of those things to my face...quite recently in fact.

What I am is human, with desires that sometimes clash with my beliefs. I sometimes desire the wrong thing at the wrong time, or desire the right thing at the wrong time (there seems to be no right time to desire the wrong thing). Some of my beliefs have been seriously challenged lately, which is a good thing. If your beliefs cannot stand up to a challenge, they might not be worth believing in.

I don't believe everything I did 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, or even a few years ago. Sometimes I think I know what is best for me and the people I love, and then I see or experience something that challenges that belief. But I have reached an age and a state of being that lets me consider all sides of a situation without completely doubting who I am and how I live my life.

Perhaps the forties, for those of us who are fortunate to live this long, are a time for truly getting to know yourself. Heck, I'm almost 48, and I would have to live to 96 to consider this time in my life "middle-age"! But maybe there is just no way to know yourself until you've had these many years of experience. I don't know.

I just know that I love my life right now. And even though there are things I want that I know I can have but would not be good for me...I know I am loved. I am deeply and sincerely loved. By God and by the people in my life who truly matter.

It is a fabulous time indeed.

What is it like for a guy...

...when a big chick flick is about to come out?

According to John Kass of the Chicago Tribune, it is terrifying. He wishes to spare men the agony of being dragged by their girlfriends or wives to see a certain movie that opens in two weeks.

Click here for the full column and your free "Kass SATC Absolvo Carta".

Thank you for your service to mankind, Mr. Kass.

If I believed in signs...

...this might just be one:


It's hard to see in this picture, but that's a DOUBLE rainbow. I've never seen such a thing in my entire life. And what was I doing when this possible sign occurred? I was hoping for some way to know I was doing the right thing.

You see, I am on a path that started long ago, the catalyst of which is a circumstance that I just found out no longer exists! So do I go through with it? Do I take the easy road, which in a way means staying stuck? Is the path I am on leading me toward something or away from something? Or both?

Or is this double rainbow just a spectrum of light from the setting sun on a rainy evening?

Sometimes decisions are forced on you, and sometimes you are blessed with too many options. With all the world is going through today, to whine that I don't know what to do because I can do anything I want seems the height of self-centeredness.

But then I saw this. And it made me feel like somebody was trying to tell me something. I am doing the right thing. I need to keep going on this path.

Memory lane - Part IV

Read from Part 1

Somewhere (almost 30 years) deep in a landfill is a box of letters. Well, I doubt there is much left of them after all this time. This was about a year's worth of correspondence from the boyfriend of my senior year in high school.

Those were the days before email and before unlimited long distance calling plans. He was in college over 400 miles away most of that year. When he wasn't, he was only 300 miles away at home. It was a lovely time in my life, and I loved our correspondence - long, newsy, sweet letters, about one for each week. Plus cards for special occasions.

I treasured those, so much so that I pulled them out to read daily for months after he broke up with me. Then I realized I had to let go. I knew I was in danger of never recovering from that breakup unless those letters were gone. It took a couple of attempts before I could finally let the garbage truck take them away.

Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, when I started packing for my move. I started in what I knew would be the the most difficult spot - a little oriental cabinet where the last of the Daniel memorabilia had resided undisturbed since my last move. It was finally time to say goodbye to most of that.

First, I read through every sympathy card. Many tears, a few laughs and a couple of who is that?s later and I was done. The only thing left from that pile is a note from my brother, a man of few words who wrote that tears "wash the soul clean and make our hearts open to life's joy". I wouldn't part with that piece of paper ever.

But then there were the letters...my letters to Daniel during our friendship and courtship, and his to me. Not a whole lot of them, as he was not much of a writer so I didn't write much either. Re-reading my letters to him was like looking at a history book of me - my feelings, my hopes, my busy days - in my own hand. The fact that he used the back of one to calculate how much outside lighting would cost to run for an hour (37 cents) doesn't make me think he didn't treasure that letter. He kept it, didn't he?

But it is time to say goodbye to those letters as well. He's been gone almost as long as we were married. And moving on is what this year seems to be all about for me.

My mother didn't have many opportunities to give me advice. One thing I clearly remember her telling me is to be very careful what I put in a letter, because you never know where it will end up. That was good advice. But I am so glad I never let her words prevent me from expressing my true feelings on the page to the people I loved. For me, writing is still sometimes easier than verbal expression.

My memories of Daniel are fading, and that is alright. We can't live in our memories, even the good ones. We have to live in the present. And when we do, today becomes a memory for tomorrow.

Memory lane - Part III

Read from Part I

I have been promising my hair stylist that I would create a "Gallery of Hair" for her, and I want to do it before I move out of state. So here it is:

Ladies, if you're thinking that once you grow up you will finally stop stressing about your hair, forget about it. Even now, at the ripe old age of 47, I'm thinking of growing it long again. Or getting a natural salt-n-peppa buzz cut (my friend Lisa and my other friend Lisa would kill me).

Depends on how I'm feeling tomorrow.

continued

Memory lane - Part II

Read Part I

I have only been hospitalized twice in my life. First was being born, then when I had my tonsils removed at age six. A lot has changed since then.

Prices, for one thing. My mother's hospital stay for my birth cost $26 per day. The total for four days including the operating room, anesthesia and drugs - $151.92.

For my tonsils surgery six years later, the doctor charged $150 and the hospital (with lab, x-rays, drugs and the room) charged $134. Oh, plus $35 for anethesia.

And keeping patient records was a little different than today. My first few months of doctor visits were recorded on one index card by hand. The receipts were hand-written also, but the doctor bills were typed. And that four-day hospital stay when I was born...that is unheard of today as insurance companies want you out as quickly as possible.

It is an interesting experience to hold these things in my hands.

continued

Memory lane - Part I

I used to have this recurring dream, that I'm back in high school (at my present age) because I never really graduated. Well, I have in my hands (not really in my hands because I wouldn't be able to type) my high school diploma. Now they can't make me go back!

As I keep going through my things to get rid of stuff that I refuse to move even one more time, I'm scanning pictures and papers that I want to keep and tossing the originals. Lots of dust, lots of laughs, lots of tears, lots of closure coming my way. And a lot of trivial crap that nobody cares about.

Like this - according to my grade school report cards...

- I was unable to tie my shoes by the end of kindergarten, but I could recognize what color they were.
- I had no special abilities noted from 1966 to 1968 (bummer).
- I was a "back captain" (what??), a "paper" monitor (news, construction, toilet? not sure), and in charge of the Halloween Talent Show in 1970.
- I was an "office girl" in 1974. Wow...I found my career at age 14.
- And last, but not least, my very favorite encouraging comment from a teacher on a report card...

Seems my fate was sealed decades ago. Who knew?

Tune in tomorrow...that's when I go through my medical records!

continued

Photo shoppe

After taking a two-hour nap this afternoon, I woke up with a start and realized I had a really cool project I could work on. I am moving in a couple of months (don't know where...and that's a story for another post), and I am still decades behind in my scrapbooking. I'll never catch up, and I don't want to move this huge box of photos AGAIN.

So I spent the evening organizing, scanning, and tossing. I've backed them up. Now I can share a couple of the gems:

As a bridesmaid in 1980. My favorite hairstyle, but not my favorite dress.

My favorite Halloween costume. I actually travelled on a Chicago city bus wearing this!

My favorite cats-eye glasses. And my least favorite haircut ever.

Only a few thousand more pictures to go.

Is a mistake still a mistake...

...when you take away the consequences?

At a recent public appearance, one of our presidential candidates was in a "town hall" setting when he was asked about abortion after speaking about sex education in schools:

“Look, I got two daughters — 9 years old and 6 years old,” he said. “I am going to teach them first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby. I don’t want them punished with an STD at age 16, so it doesn’t make sense to not give them information.”

The firestorm this caused was because of the "punished with a baby" part of the quote. But to me, the key phrase is "...if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished..."

He seems to be saying that he wants all negative consequences of his children's possible future actions removed. But perhaps we have more unwanted pregnancies and sexually-transmitted diseases today than ever before because we keep trying to remove those consequences. My point is not about sex, it is about personal responsibility.

Let me illustrate by using that part of his quote in a different situation:

I will teach my kids that cheating is wrong, but if they make a mistake and cheat on a test I don't want them punished...

Or how about this:

I will teach my kids that stealing is wrong, but if they make a mistake and rob a bank I don't want them punished...

Or maybe:

I will tell my kids not to drive drunk, but if they make a mistake and kill someone, I don't want them punished...

How do you teach your children that something is wrong if their mistake has no negative consequences? If there are no consequences, why is it a mistake?

Think about how many of the problems in our society would be solved within a single generation if, starting today, we each took full responsibility for our own actions and taught our children to do the same.

Risky business - Part 4

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

There are risks that you can do something to avoid, and there are some that you just can't foresee no matter how wild your imagination.

Just ask the man who was enjoying the day on his boat one minute, and the next minute lost his wife to a leaping stingray. Or the two women in the back seat of a car who lost their daughters when a maintenance scaffold fell 43 floors onto them in the front seat of the car. They were just going about their lives, and people they loved were gone in an instant because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It wouldn't be smart to ignore obvious risks, nor would life be much fun if we were always scared of what we can't see around the corner (or in the sky). If the risks of life were all you thought about you would never actually do anything.

As you might have guessed, I'm writing about this because I am trying to convince myself. Even at my age, I still tend to let fear prevent me from doing things I want to or even feel called to do. I have dreams that remain secret for fear of ridicule, relationships that remain unexplored for fear of being hurt, and words that remain unspoken for fear of conflict.

We'll all die someday, somewhere, from something. And in that regard I have three wishes. One, that I don't die doing something really stupid and end up (in)famous for it. Two, that I have made an impact on the world around me that is much more positive than negative. And three, that I have, more often than not, overcome my fear and lived my days to the fullest.

Every day, I need to remind myself that God will work all things out for good, because that is what He has promised. And that is the ultimate risk strategy for this life.

Risky business - Part 3

Read Part 1 and Part 2

When analyzing project risks, we identify the worst thing that could happen, then the second worst thing, then a few more. We give each risk a number to indicate it's severity, then we multiply it by the probability to come up with a rating. And that rating determines how much effort we put into either avoiding the risk, taking steps to minimize the impact or coming up with an alternative plan.

When the probability and severity are both low, we usually just accept the risk because even if it happens, it won't be too bad. When the probability is low, but the severity is high, we give that more thought and planning. And you can bet that if the probability and severity are both high we are really going to have a good backup plan.

That's all the project team can really do, and it works fine most of the time. But then there are those times that something happens that nobody could have possibly foreseen. And all you can do at that point is deal with it.

And that's what we have to do in real life, too.

We make our plans and manage the risks and live our lives. Every day we make choices, thinking we know where those choices will take us. But if we are wise, we also know that anything can happen, even the very worst thing.

And it can happen in a moment.

continued

Risky business - Part 2

Read Part 1

As a project manager, part of my job is to manage risks. A risk is something that could happen. Well, anything could happen, right? What the project team does is identify the things that could go wrong, estimate out how likely they are and what the impact would be they did happen. Then we make an alternative plan to have in place if a risk does happen.

Let's say the project is to move a business from one location to another. Your current lease expires on a set date and you must vacate the property by that date. Your new location is being constructed, and the builder says it will be done on time. But what if it isn't? What's Plan B...Plan C...Plan D? That's risk management.

People like "Adventurer" Steve Fossett did a lot of risk management. When preparing for a round-the-world solo balloon flight, you sure better know where you can land if you have technical trouble or suddenly get sick! And yet it is possible that Fossett died because what he was doing that day was not as risky as his other adventures, so he may not have thoroughly planned for the potential risks.

Do you consider yourself a risk taker? Sure you get up in the morning and face the dangers of cars and icy roads and sidewalks, probably without even thinking about it much...buckle your seatbelt, drive more slowly than normal, wear the right kind of shoes. But beyond that...are there things you need to do or want to do, but you don't do them because of what could go wrong? Are there things in your past that you didn't do because of potential dangers that never came to pass? Are you letting fear of the risks of life keep you from really living life?

The first step to getting over that fear is to ask yourself one question - what is the worst thing that could happen?

(continued)

Risky business

"Adventurer" Steve Fossett has been declared dead five months after he disappeared. Read all about him here.

This was man who risked life and limb in a variety of ways his entire life. Yet he died not on one of his adventures, but on a pleasure flight. Reminds me of General George S. Patton, who served in both World Wars but died as the result of a car accident while on a hunting trip.

Living is a risky business. It's nine o'clock in the morning, and already I have risked my life in several ways. I took a shower - and could have slipped and cracked my head open! I took the elevator downstairs, drove to get breakfast, drove back home and took the elevator up again - an adventure fraught with danger from malfunctioning equipment and bad drivers! Even my breakfast was risky - I could have choked to death on my bagel!

Sounds sort of silly, doesn't it? The likelihood that the elevator cable would break and fall 11 stories at the exact time that I was on it was extremely low, but it could have happened.

So how does a person get out of bed and face the day when there is so much to fear out there? By identifying risks, taking steps avoid them, and knowing how to lessen their impact if they do happen.

It's simple, and you do it every day without even realizing it.

(continued)

Golden versus tarnished

I don't watch much TV these days. I do catch a few shows on internet replay, and I can't avoid some "previews" on the advertising panels of some of my favorite web sites. And I tend to watch TV when I travel for business, like I am right now.

Overall, I just can't help but think that the best days of television programming is behind us.

So much of what is on TV these days shows bad behavior in a supposedly good light. One of the previews I mentioned is a woman getting her pantyhose ripped off while she leans back on her executive desk. It looks like this is something she wants, but the imagery purposely hints at rape. Is that really supposed to be sexy?

Among my Christmas gifts was the first season of Golden Girls on DVD, which I finished this past weekend. Sure, there is some sexual innuendo, but the show is primarily about friendship. And women depending on each other.

Maybe that's what that other show is about too. I don't know. Just seems like Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia had a lot more respect for themselves.

Resolutions

We're a week into the New Year, which means if you made one or more resolutions, chances are you have already given up. Don't worry, that's pretty typical. It doesn't mean you are weak, it means you are human.

Most of us feel, at least at one time or another, that there is something about ourselves we want to make better. We resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, go back to school - all worthwhile objectives. But even if you have already given up, remember that you don't have to wait until next January 1st, or even next Monday, to try again. Any day - really any moment - you can decide to make a change.

But here's the thing - there are two resolutions that rise above all others. I have come to believe that without these two things any other goals, objectives or resolutions are almost meaningless.

If 2008 ends up being the year I finally achieve lasting weight loss, what will it matter if I don't also discover God's purpose for my life and fulfill that purpose?

It is possible that my lack of success in losing weight is directly related to the fact that I am not living the life God wants me to live. I don't mean morally, I mean that God put me here for a purpose. If I am ignoring my calling, what does it really matter what size pants I wear?

Resolve today to find out what God made you for.

All I want for Christmas is skepticism

Atheism seemed quite popular in 2007. Millions of people bought books and read web site authors who think that faith is some kind of mass delusion, and religion is for the weak-willed or stupid. So many people in this world are skeptical (some are downright hostile) towards people of faith.

On Gerry Charlotte Phelps's web site, guest blogger Rubel Shelly flips this thinking around, and makes the case that faith is skepticism of the world:

Faith's view of this world is strangely skeptical. No, more than that. It is a posture of unequivocal distrust leading to rejection! When the world recites its mantras - you matter only if you are beautiful, the most important thing is money, winning is everything, Look Out for Number One - faith protests them all.

Read the whole thing here.

You may have found every earthly thing you wished for under the tree today. And that's wonderful. But don't let those things be the source of your happiness, or define the quality of your life even for a moment. Because remember, in one moment they could be gone.

Be skeptical of what the world values. Seek out the gifts our Father gives, and "let Christmas deny the hold of this world on your heart".

Letting Go

I picked this up somewhere, and it was just what I needed. Author unknown.

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
Because God is my friend.

But then, instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
With ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How can You be so slow?"
"My child," God said, "what could I do?
You never did let go."

He wants to help. Let Him.

Thanks, but...

...I want more.

A while back I picked up a movie I had never heard of from the bargain bin at the pharmacy. I'm not recommending you see it, because it's kinda vulgar. I'm not even sure why I bought it. But I felt the urge to watch it again last night and I remembered that even trashy movies can contain life lessons.

It's about a woman who wanted to be famous. In the course of getting famous she also got a bunch of stuff she didn't know she wanted but was glad to get, including a loving husband who believed in her. She also got a few things she surely didn't want - a severely handicapped child, then cancer.

Her way of praying was to go to a specific tree in a city park and look through the tree's branches to "Him" up in the sky. She went to her tree to ask Him for advice, to bargain with Him, to scream in anger at Him. And when she had all that she ever wanted, she boldly asked Him for more. In my opinion, she wasn't being selfish or ungrateful. She was acting on a belief that she had the right to ask for anything.

I haven't always believed that. Even now I sometimes hesitate to ask God for what I want because my life is already so wonderful. I slip back into "zero-sum" thinking...that there is only so much good stuff to go around, so if I get the next thing I ask for then something has to be taken away (from me or someone else).

But that's not how God is. He wants to give us what we desire, as long as it is good for us and within His plan for our lives. He wants us to ask Him for anything.

So be grateful every day for what God has given you. But don't be afraid to ask for more.

Hi there Classmates!

In case anyone actually makes it here from Classmates.com...hello! While this doesn't contain everything I've done in the last 29+ years since high school, this is a good place to get to know the "me" I have become.

And for my regular readers...I KNOW I AM BEHIND ON BLOGGING. It's been a crazy-busy-stressful couple of months. But things are good. I just got a new position at work that's kinda perfect for me. Everything I've done at work for the past decade has (hopefully) prepared me for this assignment.

More to come (I know, I ALWAYS say that).

The Confident Woman

Just started reading this today.

From Chapter Four - Seven Secrets of a Confident Woman:

Secret #1 - A confident woman knows that she is loved.
Secret #2 - A confident woman refuses to live in fear.
Secret #3 - A confident woman is positive.
Secret #4 - A confident woman recovers from setbacks.
Secret #5 - A confident woman avoids comparisons.
Secret #6 - A confident woman takes action.
Secret #7 - A confident woman does not live in "if only" and "what if".

So far I'm loving this book.

I love Saturdays

Especially those rare Saturdays when you have nothing really planned, and the homestead is already clean, and the laundry is already done, and you can leisurely browse the local outdoor market for a ham and cheese crepe and some pretty flowers.

More good stuff from Dawn

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. It's been a busy and stressful couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to a visit from my niece and sister-in-law this weekend. And right now I have to get back to cleaning up the remnants of my kitchen and closet reorganization project - you know, those last few (hundred) things that came out of one closet or cabinet and have no obvious new place to go.

But we can always count on our friend Dawn to give us something good to read:

Ten and 1/2 Reasons to be Chaste

I particularly like Number 6 - "Be the Kind of Person You Would Want to Marry":

Before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want that person to have a solid character. That includes possessing faith, integrity, trustworthiness, and self-control.

The fact is, like attracts like. A person with a rock-solid character is going to be attracted to someone who possesses those same qualities.

Yep, self-control. Still struggling with that one.

Timing ISN'T everything

There is also motive. And method. And the end result.

Take this sad story. A mother driving her four kids races to beat a train and almost wins. She was so focused on the train she was racing that she didn't see the other one. Her apparent motive wasn't really bad in itself. Those freight trains can be really, really long. But her method was stupid, her timing was way off, and the end result was horribly tragic.

In this case, it was the mother's conscious decision to do the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way for what she must have thought was the right reason. The kids could do nothing but go along for the ill-fated ride.

There is something going on in my life right now that, if it had been happening even just a few years ago, would have had me extremely angry and worried to the point of illness. The drivers in this scenario are people doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons in the wrong way. And while I'm just a passenger with no control over the situation, and the timing and end result are unknown, I'm OK. The worst thing that can happen to me is no big deal, and may actually end up being a blessing.

And that's because my trust isn't in those drivers, it is in God. He has proven to me again and again that His promises are true. Especially this one:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:10-12)

So I'll leave the end result and timing to Him, and not worry about it. I'll do my best to glorify Him in how I react. And I'll pray for the people in the driver's seat, that they might stop what they are doing before they hit the train.

And if they don't stop, I pray that God use me to somehow help the other victims.

Happy Birthday Jan!

xoxoxox

Wedding cake cookies

Here's why I've been so quiet this week:

I just finished packaging the 150th cookie for my friend's wedding tomorrow. Now I just have to figure out how to get them down to my car:

It's all about Him

I'm buying this tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Carrie!

Sorry I'm a day late!

Dream Cruise 2007 - Getting to Barcelona

Read Previous Installment:
...brought to you by...

After months of planning it was finally time to pack and go! Five people x two checked suitcases + eight carry-ons = 18 pieces of luggage. So this is about half of it!



We left on a Monday afternoon. Our transportation to the airport got to the house right on time. We weren't really expecting a limo (we were thinking a van of some sort). But hey...we'll take the nice ride!



The thing I like least about traveling is the flying. Not the flight itself, but getting to the airport, waiting in lines, delayed flights, uncomfortable seats and lousy food. Well, on this part of the trip...we had NONE of that!

Here's where I shall institute The Donkey Ratings System. Remember my friend The Donkey? He's going to help me give you an idea how much we liked or disliked various aspects of the trip...on a scale of one to four Donkeys, four being the best. Because as that old saying goes, four donkeys are always better than one! (OK, I made that up.)

First, the limo ride. The limo was cool and the ride was quick and pleasant enough...but it was just a pain to get in and out of that vehicle. I give it 3.5 Donkeys.



Now let's talk about Air France. Our Air France experience didn't start off too great, as it took several online attempts and one kinda long phone call to confirm our seats the night before we left.

But everything else...WOW! The plane was beautiful and comfortable and there was a video monitor for each passenger! The video services available included a menu of movies and TV shows to choose from, lots of video games, and a channel which showed the flight's progress on a map. The service was spectacular. And the food! This picture of our dinner does not do it justice!



If I didn't know better, I would think that the baguette was baked in the airplane galley!

We had a bit of a delay once we landed in Paris. The airport has a lot of construction going on, and we taxi-ed about 20 minutes, then got on a bus, then through the passport desk, then through security again, then another bus and we were finally on our way for the short flight to Barcelona. FYI...the signs in the Paris airport are in French...who knew?

I can't blame Air France for the problems at the Paris airport, and the plane for the connecting flight wasn't that great, but overall I give Air France 3.5 Donkeys!



By the time we got to Barcelona, we still had about six hours which we could have used to tour some of the city, but we were just too tired. And we had a scare at the airport when it seemed that only seven of our checked bags arrived. Just as Mike was going to the line to file a claim, the rest of the bags arrived, to our great joy!

The only interesting thing we saw on the way from the airport to the ship was a cemetery built into the side of a hill. None of us got a picture, but I have since learned that the name of the cemetery is Montjuic. Barcelona looks like an interesting place. I would go back there exploring sometime.

But for now, we were happy to finally be on the ship. In the next installment, I'll tell you all about the amazing Celebrity Millennium.



(to be continued)

Electricity = Good, Electricity = Bad

I have survived the big storms in Chicago. There is more rain expected tonight, but the super-duper winds and tornado fears have diminished.

My neighborhood was without power for almost 24 hours. Some of the stores are still closed, but my building is back. It wasn't too bad climbing up the 11 flights of stairs last night. What was worse was having to go to work without washing my hair. I couldn't get water because even the best municipal water pressure won't deliver it that high without the help of a pump. And I had only enough bottled water to wash the rest of me.

Since I couldn't really do much of anything else last night, I watched the storm for a while and got to thinking...here I was in the dark because I had no eletricity. But there was plenty of it outside. Same stuff that in one context is good, and in the other is deadly. Just like the water, which we cannot live without but is drowning homes just a few miles from here.

Can you think of anything else that can be very good or very bad depending on where/when/how often it is used/consumed/partaken of? How about...fire...sex...the internet...food...alcohol...gambling?

What would you add to this list?

Flip-flops are not real shoes!

See Mikey, I told you so!

The problem with the flip-flop, [Dr. Steven] Ross explained, is "it doesn't meet the basic criteria of a shoe, which are protection, support and shock absorption. The other most popular shoe, the athletic shoe, does, which is why we recommend wearing it instead."

Dream Cruise 2007, brought to you by...

Before I tell you about the cruise, I would like to let you know how the whole thing came about, and who we have to thank for making our wonderful trip possible.

The idea was born quite a while ago. When my brother- and sister-in-law started the home schooling of my niece and nephew, travel to historical places was planned as part of the curriculum. But the year was 2001, and early that fall world travel suddenly lost its appeal just days after we lost my husband Daniel.

Over the years there was some school-related travel, but other events made a big trip overseas a low priority. That's how life goes...priorities and plans change.

Once the kids neared their high school graduation last year - the same year their parents would celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary - the idea transformed into a dream...a dream cruise in the Mediterranean.

From the beginning, this dream had a sponsor...


I've written about Daniel's dad Teofil before. Well, he was a unique and very generous man. He never made a big show of his generosity. He would decide to do something, and just do it. Like the time he donated sod (and a lot of it) to the church in time for our wedding.

And he wanted to give us the cruise as a gift. His health would not allow him to participate, but he would be with us in spirit. He passed away last fall. But his generosity extended beyond his earthly life, and the dream became a reality.

And so we thank you, Grandpa Phil, for the trip of a lifetime. We think about you every day.

And we toasted him every night on the cruise, as you will see.

Next...Getting to Barcelona

Please stayed tuned

Hello. I am The Donkey.


Aunt Judie asked me to let you know that she is still working on organizing the cruise pictures. It's a big job - there are over 1200 pics from four cameras to get in order.

Between you and me, the real reason she's not done is that she keeps daydreaming...looking at the pictures and sighing, imagining she's back in Santorini, where we met on the staircase.

She should be done in a day or two. If she lays off the ouzo.

Back online

I've got lots to tell you, but for now just wanted to let you know I am back (in my Michigan) home safe and sound. Pictures and stories to come.

The cruise was even more wonderful than I expected. If you have never been on a cruise, and you would enjoy a vacation where you are pampered and well-fed and wake up in a new place each day, I highly recommend it.

Bye for now

I'll be offline for the next two weeks. Our Mediterrean cruise is on! The ship, which was in dry dock until last Friday, is on its way to meet us in Barcelona tomorrow. I won't be blogging at all until we return. Then, watch for pictures...lots and lots of pictures!

Please pray for our safe travel...thank you!

More wisdom from the movies

There's a scene in the movie While You Were Sleeping where the father of the family ponders the events of their turbulent week. One son is in the hospital just out of a coma, and he's talking with the other son, who is about to finally tell him that he doesn't want to work in the family business:

Dad: It's been a helluva week, hasn't it? Life is a pain in the ass, I'll tell ya. You work hard, try to provide for the family. And then - for one minute - everything's good, everyone's well, everyone's happy. And in that one minute, you have peace.

Son: Pop, this isn't that minute.

You might think that life is supposed to be mostly made up of those moments where "everything is good"; that bad things do happen, but it's OK as long as they only happen once in a while. I guess there are some people for which that is true. There are even those fortunate ones who have seem to have a charmed life - a loving intact family, always enough money in the bank and food to eat and clothes to wear, no major illnesses or deaths. Fortunate, indeed. But also totally unprepared when the inevitable occurs.

When Danny died, I was working my way through the list of people to call and came across the number of our neighbors back in Michigan. We weren't particularly close; I cannot even remember their names today. I called them just moments after they had received the news from our friends across the lake. The man had become hysterical when he heard...he was screaming and sobbing in the background. His wife told me that he had never before known someone who died...not even a grandparent.

I wish life was like that lake we lived on...beautiful and calm with a few ripples...and on those stormy days, waves we can handle without much trouble. But I've found that life is more like the ocean...constantly rocking and churning, and sometimes violently stormy with waves so high you can't see the horizon or anything else. And it's only once in a while you get those moments of complete calm and peace...just as the dad in the movie described it.

Does that mean that we have no choice but to be uneasy and unhappy except in those rare moments when everything is good? No. We can choose to recognize that there are still lots of things to be thankful for, even in the worst situations. And we can remind ourselves that no storm lasts forever...whatever we are going through will eventually pass or be resolved.

There are storms going on all around me right now, and I have no idea when any of them will end and what kind of damage they will leave behind. But I am at peace in the midst of the storms, because I know God loves us. He has shown me again and again that it is always safe and warm in His boat. We just need to stay in the boat and trust Him.

Pencil me in

UPDATE: See correction below.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." (John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy")

"Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan." (Admiral Josh Painter in the movie "Hunt for Red October")

"I want you all to forget the flight plan. From this moment on, we are improvising a new mission." (Gene Krantz in the movie "Apollo 13")

Planning is a good thing. It is better to plan than not to plan. When I worked as a Project Manager, planning was over 90% of the effort...making plans then planning alternative plans in case the original plan didn't go as planned.

In the true story of the Apollo 13 space mission (the movie is a favorite of us project managers), the lives of the astronauts depended on their own ability - and that of thousands of people on the ground - to completely write off the original plan when something they didn't plan for happened. When they realize they cannot possibly land on the moon and get home alive, they take just a moment to grieve their lost moon before shifting their focus to creating and executing a new plan. If they had spent too much time indulging in their disappointment before moving on, those three men flying in their damaged spacecraft may not have made it home.

My guess is that a very small percentage of all the plans in the history of humanity have ever gone off without a hitch. In my circle of friends, only a very few (one nurse and a couple of priests*) are in the careers they originally planned.

In my life, all my plans are written in pencil. The route I drive to work, lunch dates, vacations, my career...all these plans come with the disclaimer "subject to change without notice". When things change I still feel disappointed sometimes, but I don't stay in that mood for long. I wonder at and take comfort in the fact that while my own plans are in pencil, God's are in ink:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11 [NIV])

God's ink is pretty much invisible to us until the moment arrives. But trust in His promise that He will work out all things for good (Romans 8:28) and don't worry about it. He's God! Who could be a better project manager?

For a long time, my plan has been to be on a cruise ship in the Mediterranean two weeks from now. But last week a submerged rock and a failed electrical system combined to put a big question mark on that plan. The ship is damaged, but is supposed to be repaired and back in service in time for us to sail as planned.

And if it isn't? Well, we might just fly to Europe anyway. Only God knows where we will end up.

*Later today I thought of more of my friends who actually are still working in their original chosen profession...including my brother-in-law the accountant. Or as his mother would say, "my son is A CPA Man".

A thrilling evening

Last night I met one of my favorite bloggers who I mentioned in my last post, Dawn Eden of The Dawn Patrol. She was in town to speak about her book The Thrill of the Chaste, which I reviewed when it came out last year.

We also heard a little bit about her new job with The Cardinal Newman Society Love and Responsibility Project, which I will write more about later.


It was a stormy evening, but the rain stopped in time to have the talk outdoors. Listening to Dawn speak reminded me just how awesome God is when it comes to preparing people for His purpose. Dawn's life has taken a lot of twists and turns, all of which brought her here to this place on this day to speak...with a microphone...about sex...from the door of a Catholic church...in the middle of a busy Chicago neighborhood.

Kinda makes you wonder what God is preparing you for, doesn't it?

You are not what you lack

A while back I had drinks with an old friend who asked about my love life. He was aware of my beliefs and my commitment to refrain from sex until I get married again. He said that while he admired that, he still thought I would be better off with a boyfriend; and since I am an interesting and attractive person, I would have no trouble getting one...if I was willing to put out.

So if I would just become someone I am not, compromise my beliefs and give away something that is precious to me, I can have someone to go to dinner and the movies with! Doesn't sound like a good trade to me. And besides, why would I want a man who wants a woman who would become someone she is not, compromise her beliefs...?

There are times when it is extremely tempting to give up and give in. I am healthy and have human desires. I may be abstinent from sex with my body, but that's not the same as being chaste in mind and spirit...especially since, as a widow, I know very well just what I am missing.

We live in a world that says "if it feels good, do it" and "if you want it, you should have it". The world looks at the lack of something in our lives as a total negative, when in truth it can be a blessing. If for no other reason, such a void in our lives can make us appreciate all the things we do have.

Our friend Dawn at The Dawn Patrol wrote a wise and beautiful essay in response to a reader's question about how she can consider chastity to be "...suffused with the thrill of wonder" instead of a void in her life. (Make sure you read the comments...lots of wisdom there too.)

So as I face another Saturday night without a date, I won't look at the lack in my life as defining my life. My singleness is not who I am, nor is it a burden to be lamented. It is simply one facet of the precious gem that is the life that God has given me.

The sounds of silence

A couple of weeks back my niece lent me her car while mine was in the repair shop. It had a different kind of radio/cd system that involved a panel that opened to reveal more functions than would fit on its face.

I say "had" because around day five of driving her car, the panel wouldn't close. I couldn't turn the radio off, change the volume or the station. As I was trying desperately to find a way to fix it, I broke it completely. And so for the last couple of days I had no radio, no CD and no iPod because my adapter was in my car, in the shop.

It made me realize just how very little time I spend in a given day without some kind of audio and/or visual activity. Riding for even the 15 minutes it took me to get to work was a very odd experience because I'm usually listening to something.

Even in my "quiet time" first thing I the morning I'm either reading or speaking to God, without giving Him time to talk to me. This morning in my reading I came across this quote from Mother Teresa:

"In silence we are granted the privilege of listening to His voice."

So I gave it a try. I made a serious effort to be silent and listen. I didn't hear God's voice, unless He was singing the theme song to the TV show "Scrubs":

"I can't do this all on my own. No, I'm no...I'm no Superman."

I suppose it could be some sort of message, reminding me to lean on Him. Or it could just be the song is still stuck in my head from last week, when my nephew wouldn't stop singing it.

Perhaps listening in silence is like any other skill...I need to practice. I'll try again by driving to work without the radio on. And perhaps God will answer my prayer by taking that darn song out of my head!

From sea to shining sea

Today we honor the birth of our nation.

When we ask God to bless America, do we imply that the rest of the world is not worthy of God's blessings? No. None of us is worthy...but He blesses us anyway and allows us to be a blessing to others.

When we fly the flag, is it arrogance and conceit...a way to say that we think we are better than anybody else? No. The flag is a symbol of our identity and history.

When you hear people bash America, focusing only on our flaws, does it make you angry? It makes me sad, just as I would be if people focused only on my flaws.

Is America perfect? No. But I would not want to live anywhere else.

The meaning of life in one word - Part IV

Part I, Part II, Part III

I am awed by how much emotion a song can inspire. For me, a song is so much different than a poem. Hearing words with music, when the words mean something to me, is heart-touching experience.

Consider what kind of relationship is captured by these few words from an old song:

The story of my life
Is very plain to read.
It starts the day you came
And ends the day you leave.

Then picture this kind of relationship, described in a popular song of today:

I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby).
...
So don't you ever for a moment get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable.

I used to long for the kind of love relationship described in the first example. As I got older I realized that there is something seriously wrong with even thinking that your entire existence is dependent on the love of one person. At the other extreme, how sad is it to think that you could be living with somebody one day, and kicked to the curb the next? And as you're moving your stuff out (a task made easy because everything you own is in a box to the left), you are told that your replacement will be at the front door before your cab makes it to the end of the block?

Your human relationships are healthy and contribute postive meaning to your life when they fall somewhere in between those extremes. Your day-to-day existence is filled with relationships, and each one is a piece of the meaning of your life as a whole.

But the one relationship that means the most - your relationship with God - is more extreme than either of the above examples. Because to God you ARE irreplaceable. God's love is always there, even when you screw up and deserve to be kicked to the curb. God's love is unconditional...it does not depend on what you do or don't do.

God's love is the story of your life, because you have a relationship with Him even when you don't nuture or even acknowledge it.

(continued)

Happy (?) Anniversary, Summer of Love

Two opposing viewpoints on the "Summer of Love" from the LA Daily News:

Hippie Hippie Shakedown: But where was love?
1960s ideals of peace, freedom, Earth not so bad

Wedding dress cookies

I made these for a bridal shower. You can't see the detail too well, but there were three different dress designs:

The meaning of life in one word - Part III

Part I, Part II

I found an old friend the other day. She's been in the same place for 31 years, while I have moved around a lot...changing jobs and addresses and my last name. I've often thought of her and thought about finding her. I knew she was nearby, but never took the time to look her up.

So the other day when I had a couple of hours to fill between one thing and another, I found myself talking a walk in the sunshine surrounded by green grass, colorful flowers, noisy trees (I'm in 17-year-cicada country) and carved stones. Gravestones, that is. Cindy's was lovely...embedded with a rosary.

She was walking to school when she was struck by a falling light pole, which was falling because it was hit by a car driven by one of two guys who thought drag racing was a cool idea. As I remember it, she died a week later.

When you reflect on such a life - cut short in such a stupid way at 17 - it's natural to think "what a waste". And of course, it was. But no life - even one so brief - is without meaning. For here she was...remembered with love by those who had a relationship with her. This place is full of such memories. The dates on the stones reflect the longest and shortest of lives. My guess is that most of these graves are not visited at all any more, the loved ones who cried there long gone, perhaps even buried nearby.

Are the people who are not visited forgotten? By mankind, maybe. But not by God. For each soul that once lived in these earthly shells is dear to His heart.

And it is our relationship with God that is the most important of all.

(continued)

The meaning of life in one word - Part II

Read Part I

re·la·tion·ship

1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4. a sexual involvement; affair.*

—Synonyms 1. dependence, alliance, kinship. 2. affinity, consanguinity.

(Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random
House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.)


Think about all your relationships. There are so many kinds...family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, schoolmates, teacher/student, pastor/congregant, coworkers, internet buddies, even store clerks and service providers. Each of our relationships is a connection with a combination of depth, length and importance. And each one is a piece of the meaning of our lives.

As you go through your day, you probably don't think about each relationship and what the interaction with that person means to you (or them). Was the encounter positive or negative? Was it give and take, or was it one-sided (did you only give or only take)? Were you glad to have seen or talked to that person? And what about the relationships with people you didn't interact with today? Even the relationships you neglect or avoid are meaningful.

In the book and movie The Five People You Meet in Heaven, a guy named Eddie dies thinking that his life didn't mean much because he never got to live the life he dreamed of. He wanted to be an engineer, but instead spent all of his life (with the exception of serving in the army during a war) as the maintenance man at an amusement park. The five people he meets are there to teach him just how meaningful his life was.

I don't know about you, but I sure don't want to be dead or dying before I realize what each relationship in my life means! I want to experience it every moment of the day, in every encounter. I don't want to go through life just skimming the surface...I want to experience life deeply. I want to go to bed at night knowing that even though I sleep alone, I am never really alone, because I am connected.

And the most important relationship in my life? Well, that one I'll tell you about next time.

(continued)

*Notice how the word "connection" is missing from this definition? An interesting subject for another day.

Did you ever think I would say THIS?

I know I owe you another post on the meaning of life, and I'm working on it. But right now I have to shower and get to bed because I am exhausted from...




...wait for it...




...my hip hop dance class.

The meaning of life in one word

A couple of months ago I was doing my normal drive to Michigan for a visit. This was going to be a week with the kids only, as their mom and dad were on a romantic trip for their 25th anniversary.

I was within a mile of my destination when the podcast I had been listening to started to really touch my heart. I felt that what I was hearing was something extremely important because that heart started to race. I ended up pulling over a couple of blocks from the house so I could really listen to what the speaker was saying. It's a good thing I pulled over, because I burst into tears.

The speaker - Ravi Zacharais - is a preacher who travels all over the world. He was preaching on "The Pursuit of Meaning - Regaining the Wonder" (you can get the podcast here). At one point Ravi talked about the tragedy of traveling so much that whenever he came home, his little girl Naomi, still in her walker, would not recognize him. After a particularly long trip...

...I arrived home and little Nimmi was in her walker. As I said at that time her cheeks were so bulging that it made her eyes look like an afterthought - cute as a button. I had been actually traveling for so long I was not sure that she would remember me. And when I came there and walked into the kitchen where she was with Grandma sitting at the kitchen table she was in her walker, I put the two suitcases down and she lifted up her chubby countenance and looked at me and I looked back. For about one minute we had a staring contest. And finally she made a charge in my direction and nearly flipped over that walker. I put my arms out as her two arms shot out like pistons...I picked her up and wrapped my arms around her as she nuzzled with her face resting on my shoulder. And as I looked with that tiny little body wrapped in my own arms I looked over to see Grandma, instantly the tears started to run down the face.

Ladies and gentlemen, before God I beg you to believe me. Of all the thrills of lucrative benefits that the business of the preaching world could have brought to me; of all the wonder that comes from preaching at a conference of such great names; of all the joy that comes from meeting other people at conferences and what have you, of reading some great books and studying philosophy as much as it can dazzle your mind...all of them paled for so long into insignificance as I realized in that one minute I learned more about the meaning of life than all the books in philosophy I had ever read.

Meaning comes from relationship.

(continued)

The meaning of life

Well, that's quite a subject to start when it's already past my bedtime. It's an age-old question, asked at least once by probably 99% of all people who ever lived.

What is the meaning of life?

Can you give an answer in one word? I can.

Think about it.

**Liveblogging** S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y

For the first time in as long as I can remember (OK, that's not saying much), it's Saturday and I have no obligations to fulfill, no work assignments, no appointments, no social engagements. I've got stuff I should/could/would do...but if I did absolutely nothing the consequences would simply be a wasted day.

So what am I doing up at 5:53 am? Well, I've wasted enough days in my life already and I don't want this to be another one. Therefore, I'm going to "liveblog" the entire day and document what I do. To you it might be a tad boring, but to me it's a challenge. So check back often for up-t0-the-minute coverage of a day in the life of Aunt Judie!

**6:02a** Finished first post. OK, that goes without saying.

**7:32a** I realized as I was getting dressed that the reason I have nothing to do today is that I set it aside as a "catch-up" in preparation for going to Michigan for a visit. But the work reason for my visit was cancelled. Also, I usually teach a computer class on Saturday mornings, and this is our "off week" between sessions.

So far I've showered, dressed and done my morning study/prayer time. I'm studying a devotional called "Women of the Bible", and this week it's about Esther. Talk about God using unexpected people in big ways! I also made my bed...and discovered it must have been a while. I found four books and three magazines...yikes! Now I'm off to breakfast at one of my favorite spots. Not sure which one...I'll decide in the car.

**11:03a** Ended up at Butterfield's, one of those places that serves only breakfast and lunch. Which is appropriate, since I had the Monte Cristo sandwich and it was so big I'm having the rest for lunch. (By the way...it was good, but not as good as yours, Carol!) After I got home I made two batches of cookie dough which is cooling in the frig. Now I'm off to the craft store for ideas...I'm making samples of wedding cookies for two customers.

**1:32p** Back from the stores...didn't find any new ideas for cookie decorating or packaging. This is the hardest part...coming up with the designs. Well, I think I'll take a break and watch a movie, which I haven't done for a long time.

**6:01p** Watched "Casino Royale". Not usually an action movie fan, but that was good! Then took a nap. Time to bake cookies!

**9:03p** Six batches of cookies and four loads of laundry...DONE! I think I'll watch another movie.

**11:55p** Well, with one pleasant interruption for a phone chat with my sister-in-law, I finished the movie "Braveheart" (which, by the way, is a chick flick despite the blood and gore) and find myself at the end of a pretty productive and fun day. Gotta be at church early, so I'll say goodnight.

Thanks for tuning in!

Unforgiven - Part V

Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III
Read Part IV

In 1933 a baby girl who would become my mother was born. I'll never know what made her the person she was when I knew her. But I'm pretty sure she did not purposely become an alcoholic. I know she did not have a childhood dream to someday abandon her husband and four young children. And she certainly did not intend to die at age 43.

She died thirty years ago, and it took over twenty years for me to forgive her. In all that time my unforgiveness did not hurt her one bit. It only hurt me and, in turn, caused me to hurt the people in my life.

Forgiveness is the only thing that can end the cycle of hurt.

There is a lot more to forgiveness, as far as achieving it in every situation and with every person or institution that has harmed you. You may find that you even have to forgive God Himself.

I spent (wasted) a lot of time being mad at God for my life. Why couldn't I have what other people had - two parents, my own room, a house in the suburbs, a fast metabolism and a yearning for veggies and exercise instead of donuts and television? Accepting my situation and seeing all the blessings in my life took many years, many tears and lots of prayer.

Still today I have trouble letting some things go. Just last week an old friend caught me bringing up an old hurt (a perceived slight, really). I tried to convince him that I wasn't bitter about it anymore, but he wasn't buying it. If I had truly achieved forgiveness for that incident I would not be mentioning it. He was right.

As I said earlier, forgiveness is simple but it is not easy. The "simple" part is to realize that unforgiveness only hurts you, not your enemy. Think about the grudges you are holding right now. Who are you hurting? If you forgive today, even if you don't feel like it, you would wake up tomorrow a different person. Try it with something small and see what it does for you. Then move on to something bigger.

The "not easy" part is to live in a state of forgiveness, every day, in every situation. It's a constant struggle. And you can't fake it, either. You can't say you forgive then still hold onto your grudge...it will show in your words and actions. Ask God to help you see the truth and forgive completely.

We need to forgive others as God has forgiven us. It's for our own good.

Unforgiven - Part IV

Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III

Getting called nasty names by an old guy on the radio is one thing. How do you forgive a child abuser or a mass murderer? It helps to try to see the person through God's eyes. I can't say it any better than Stormie Omartian.

She had been forgiving her abusive, mentally-ill mother for years. It took a long time because her unforgiveness had been deep and needed to be "unraveled, one layer at a time":

One day as I was again asking God to give me a forgiving heart, I felt led to pray, "Lord, help me to have a heart like Yours for my mother."

Almost immediately I had a vision of her as I had never seen before. She was a beautiful, fun-loving, gifted woman who bore no resemblance to the person I knew. My understanding told me I was seeing her the way God had made her to be and not the way she had become. What an amazing revelation! I couldn't have conjured it up myself. Nothing had ever surpassed my hatred for my mother, except perhaps the depth of my own emptiness. Yet now I felt compassion and sympathy for her.

The Virginia Tech killer, Chevy Chase's mother and stepfather, Stormie's mother, my mother...they were all born innocent. They all laughed and played as children, they had hopes and dreams. They were made in the image of God, just like you and me.

continued

Unforgiven - Part III

Read Part I
Read Part II

Acknowledging the pain is important, but it is only the first step. How do you leap from that to forgiveness?

You know how your parents would tell you to do things that are for your own good? Things you didn't feel like doing...finishing your homework, cleaning your room, going to the dentist? You knew these had benefits, but if it were your choice you might not have done them because you didn't feel like it.

Same thing with forgiveness. God instructs us to do it...whether we feel like it or not! Because it is good for us.

That's where there is a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. "Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right; it makes you free." (Stormie Omartian)

I read that the Rutgers basketball players have forgiven Don Imus for the awful names he called them. You know what this does for those ladies? It allows them to move on with their lives. And while Imus is surely grateful to have it, their forgiveness did not excuse what he did or benefit him in any material way...he still lost his job.

One of my favorite preachers is Joyce Meyer. In a recent TV show on forgiveness, she made an excellent point. She said that not forgiving is like taking poison hoping your enemy will die.

continued

Unforgiven - Part II

Read Part I

Maybe Chevy Chase is not refusing to forgive his abusers. Maybe he wants to and he doesn't know how. Like a lot of things in life, forgiving is simple...but it's not easy.

Any one of us could sit and make a list of the wrongs that have been done to us...from real or perceived (doesn't make a difference) unfairness to the most unthinkable horrors. Call it a "Victim Resume". I have one. In the course of many years of searching for an answer to my weight problem and unhappiness (thinking the former caused the latter), I have written my Resume down - in detail - and in doing so was able to get closer to letting every item go.

For me the first step was acknowledging that all of the things on my Victim Resume actually happened, that they were wrong, and that they hurt me. I had to let myself feel the pain instead of swallowing it (food being my numbing drug of choice). My Resume was long, and it had some serious stuff on it. But just the act of writing about it, letting myself feel the pain and cry about it made a huge difference in my life.

There are several medical conditions which cause people not to feel physical pain - children who can have broken bones or serious burns without realizing it; diabetics who can have an infection in their feet and not know it until it is too late to avoid amputation. In these cases, not feeling the pain is certainly not a desireable situation.

Emotional pain is the same way. It might seem like not feeling the pain would be a good thing. But just like a broken bone or an infection, the damage of emotional hurt is not going to go away because we ignore it...it is just going to get worse. Eventually, the damage is so great that it poisons every aspect of our lives.

continued

Unforgiven

The events of the last couple of weeks have caused me to ponder the subject of forgiveness. First it was the Imus thing, then the human destruction of Virginia Tech, and now Chevy Chase.

Huh? Well, I read this morning that the comedian Chevy Chase (Saturday Night Live in the old days, Fletch and Vacation movies) has revealed in an authorized biography that he was the victim of horrible physical and emotional abuse as a child. And he refuses to forgive his abusers:

"I always turn to it in my mind . . . I'll never forgive them. At their graves I didn't. It was too hard for me. You would think a grown man could shake it off, as the coffin was being lowered, to say, 'I forgive you.' I don't forgive."

I guess you can't really blame him. Just as you can't blame the families of the shooter's victims for hating the man who slaughtered their loved ones, or the basketball players deeply hurt by the words of a radio talk show host, who didn't know them and who they had probably had never heard of before.

But they are also missing the point. They misunderstand the purpose and nature of forgiveness.

In her excellent book Lord, I Want to Be Whole, author Stormie Omartian makes the case for forgiveness as one of the first steps of emotional healing. I am not familiar with what other faiths say about forgiveness. But as Christians, God instructs us to forgive those who have hurt us.

But why should we? The people who have hurt us don't deserve our forgiveness! Well, we don't deserve the forgiveness God grants us, either.

(continued)

Easter Cookies

Made these for the church Easter brunch:

Every girl's crazy about...

...a sharp dressed man.

Guys, take it from me...and ZZ Top! There is just something about a man in a suit and tie, clean-shaved face, freshly-trimmed hair. Wowsa!

As inspiring as the service was for the importance of the occasion, being in church yesterday with all those men - who every other week are in polo shirts or even dress shirts with no tie or jacket - was a surprisingly lovely experience.

Unfortunately, I felt like Cinderella's ugly stepsister, since I hadn't bought a new dress for Easter and went to church in slacks and the same top I'd worn there a hundred times before. I won't make that mistake again!

Guys - and gals - when you have a chance to dress up, do it!

Loosen my fingers, Lord

This morning I was able to catch up on some of the reading that I missed during Lent because of letting myself get too busy with other things (and too lazy to get up early in the morning, my best time for reading and study). My bad.

Wow, I missed a lot of good stuff. The following is from a Lenten reflections booklet called "Stay With Us, Lord", by Father Robert Barron. The one that hit my heart and mind hard was called "In the Loop of Grace". I'll quote it in full (emphasis mine):

"While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)

This is one of the great metaphors in the Bible: God is like a father who gives and gives and gives. God's whole being is "for-giving". When we receive the divine life as a gift, we're meant to give it away. There's the trick. There's the heart of the spiritual life. What you receive as a gift - which is everything we have - give as a gift.

When you draw on the divine life and give it away, you get more. We exist in a kind of loop of grace: what's received is given, and when it's given away, you receive more. It's a basic biblical truth. Write it in your hearts: when you cling to your being, you lose it. When you cling to your gifts and your talents, you lose them. You have them and they multiply only in the measure that you learn how to give them away.

Tomorrow we shall rejoice in the glory of the Risen Lord. We will celebrate and feast and be glad that Lent, with all it's sacrifice and gloom, is behind us. But what will we take with us in the days ahead...those "ordinary" days between the two "biggies"?

What I hope to take with me is the renewed realization that my very life is a gift. And that even when I don't think anybody could possibly miss the gifts I neglect to share, I'll remember that those gifts are nothing if I don't turn around and give them to others.

What gifts are you hesitant to share? You'll miss them when they are gone.

Loosen my fingers, Lord, that I may be more willing to give away what I have received.

Father Robert Barron's web site is here. Check it out.