Breakaway - Part 5

Read from Part 1

This is not easy for me to write. It might seem like no big deal to some people, but admitting so publicly what I was like during that time is embarassing.

I was 20 years old and living 2,000 miles from home in an environment where booze and drugs were everywhere. Nobody around me seemed to think it was a big deal. The drugs didn't interest me. I had tried pot a couple of times in high school and I didn't like the feeling. I would try cocaine once a few years later, but that's only because I was drunk at the time.

My favorite way to party was good old-fashioned booze. And because the guy roommate was older, getting it was no problem. The only problem was paying for it. I remember several times when I was so broke before payday that I was literally counting my change to see if I had enough money to get a burger at the corner Jack-n-the-Box.

For the most part I was a weekend partier. It usually didn't affect my work, but there were a couple of times when I had to call in sick because of a hangover. But it was what I almost did several times while under the influence that could have killed me. Because not only were booze and drugs readily available, so was casual sex.

Ever since I found out the specific details of sex (a friend explained it to me during the most boring class of my four years of high school - freshman music), I knew that it could never be considered casual or something to do just for fun. And at the time I wasn't remotely religious, so it wasn't that God would be unhappy. It was just such an intimate act that I could not even imagine sharing it with someone unless it was part of a committed love relationship. This became one of my core beliefs.

So of course I ended up with the reputation of being a tease and a prude. I would party and drink and that lead to flirting and kissing and to the guys that implied a promise of lots more to follow. But it wasn't just during the parties that those opportunities presented themselves. I was living with a guy whose girlfriend spent several evenings a week at school. The guy was a former heroin addict.

And it was 1981...and most of the world was about to hear about AIDS for the first time.

continued