Amazing movie

Yesterday I went to the theater to see Amazing Grace. It's the story of William Wilberforce, a man at the forefront of the abolition of the slave trade in British Empire (which happened nearly 60 years before slavery was abolished in the United States). It was his mentor, friend and former slave ship captain, John Newton, who wrote the words of the beloved hymn.

It is a beautiful, touching, disturbing movie about something important. Hollywood will put the "important film" label on lots of movies, but this one truly fits. Not only does it teach you about something horrible from our past, the film makers also seek to remind us that the slave trade may be over in some places, but it still flourishes around the world.

Didn't know that? Well, check out The Amazing Change Campaign website.

And go see the movie...today if you can. These days if a film doesn't do well at the box office in the first few days, it can't survive in the theatres no matter how good it is.

=======

On a side note, tonight is Hollywood's biggest night, their most important self-congratulatory event. They will award each other with praise, gold-colored statuettes, and tax-free swag, and celebrate how wonderful and beautiful they all are. And millions of people around the world will watch.

I won't be one of them.

I haven't watched in years, since I realized the "best this" and "best that" was just a way for a small society of elites to reward those who made the right kind of movies and right kind of politcal statements. It's a big kiss-up to the cool crowd from the cool crowd.

I will be shocked beyond words if Amazing Grace is nominated for anything next year. Oh, maybe a costume or lighting award, but nothing signifant. Because this movie doesn't fit the mold. It's a true story of moral absolutes, which don't exist in Hollywood.

What is love?

Today it seems "love" is all around us. Hearts, flowers, candy, cards...those are all symbols...a way to show our "love" on this particular day.

But what about the other 364 days of the year? What does the word "love" really mean? I've had several encounters in the last few weeks that caused me to give this subject some serious thought.

First, it was a conversation with my friend Father Mark, who brought up love in a conversation about politics (specifically about welfare). Then it was another preacher, a man I don't know, who gave an interesting sermon on that classic description of love in I Corinthians 13. Finally, a page on a daily calendar from yet another preacher wrapped it up for me. I think this is the best definition of love I have ever read:

Love is not a feeling we have; it is a decision to treat people the way Jesus would treat them.

So how do we do that? The second preacher suggested we replace the word "love" in I Corinthians 13:4-7 with "Jesus". Cool, that tells us how Jesus would treat people. Then, we were to replace it with our own name. And here's that result:

Judie is patient, Judie is kind. Judie does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud. Judie is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs. Judie does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Judie always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Notice how none of these are feelings that I have, but actions I take (or don't take) that define my love for others.

I'm not currently in a romantic relationship, so I don't expect to receive any flowers or candy or a card today. But that's OK, because I know I am loved by the actions others take towards me.

My kind of college

As many of you know, I went to Princeton University.

That statement is technically correct. I did go to Princeton. For one week. For a youth convention. In the summer of 1978. Except for the 125% humidity, the showers in the dungeon, the towels that never dried, the weird bugs crunching under our feet on the sidewalk because the maintenance staff picked that week to clean out the gutters, and a breakup with my boyfriend, I remember having a pretty good time.

The fact is that, except for the three credits I earned in Music Appreciation last year (yeah for me), I have not attended college. I have no serious educational experience beyond earning my Chicago public high school diploma. My understanding of what goes on in the halls of higher education is limited to what I hear from others. So I would never claim to be an expert on the subject of college.

On the flip side, what makes anyone think that a person who goes from high school to college to graduate school and then right into a teaching position knows about what the world is like outside the academy? They may be experts on their subject matter, methods of learning, and the politics of the sheltered world they inhabit. But it would be arrogant, to say the least, for them to speak with any assumed authority about the "real" world.

On her January 31st radio show, Laura Ingraham interviewed Nido Qubein, president of High Point University. Here is a man who is the embodiment of the American Dream. He came to this country with nothing, succeeded big-time in business, and is now leading a university dedicated to ensuring...

"...that we build a bridge that connects the hallowed hallway of academia with the practical, ever-so-demanding, ever-so-competitive, ever-so-changing highways and byways of life."

Qubein goes on to say...

"A student ought not simply major in college in business or sciences, etc. But rather should also know how to get along with people, how to communicate effectively, how to manage their money, how to invest their time, and so on."

Practical knowledge from someone who knows what he is talking about. If I had the means I would pursue a degree full-time, but only at an institution that hires teachers like these.

I don't think I'd live in the dorm, though. Unless it was the "lights out at 9:30" dorm. Do they have those? That would be my kind of college.

(An audio clip of the interview "Nido Qubein's American Dream" is available free for a few weeks at Laura's website.)

Mercy me!

When I wrote last week that conversations during my recent vacation had caused me to rethink the way I practice some of my beliefs, I wasn't quite sure how to articulate what I was feeling. But God has a way of giving us what we need at just the right time.

During my trip I was challenged several times about mercy. Having an attitude of mercy towards everyone. Mercy versus judgment. Mercy without enabling. God's mercy being a gift to us that we are then supposed to give away.

Well, it's one thing to know what you're supposed to do, and another thing to figure out how to do it. That's why God puts many teachers in our lives. The person who challenged me gave me the what, making me open to the person who just gave me the how.

Joyce Meyer's "Enjoying Everyday Life" broadcast from yesterday (available as a podcast on her website or through iTunes) is called "If You Sow Mercy, You Will Reap Mercy".

This one's a keeper.

God appreciates a good try

Sometimes I whine about how long it takes for me to drive to my church (35 minutes). But this can be a good time for reflection and preparation for worship. Unless I'm listening to the "ask the doctor" radio show, which makes it a good time to be grateful not to suffer from the weird ailments they talk about.

On last Sunday's trip I had a bit of a breakthrough in my thinking about some of the strongholds in my life. Well, not really a breakthrough, but a clear reminder of something I believe in (and preach to others) but often have trouble practicing myself:

"Progress, not perfection."

Or, as my friend Father Mark would put it...

"God appreciates a good try."

There are problems in my life that I have been struggling with since I was a child. No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to break through. Back in my teens and twenties I never imagined I would still be struggling all these years later.

But I've come to realize, through prayer and study, that perfectionism and impatience cloud my judgment about how far I've come. Just because I'm not "there" yet doesn't mean I have wasted my time trying. I have to remember that with each try I'm making progress...sometimes even if it is just learning one more thing that doesn't work.

Besides, when I do finally get "there", there will be a new "there" to work towards anyway!

What got me thinking about this on my Sunday trip to church was listening to the song "Try" from the "God is With Me" CD by Norman Lee (you can buy Norman's music on his website or iTunes).

Here's the chorus:

'Cause she tries, in a world gone crazy
She cries, hoping some day maybe
The storms of life will let that sun finally shine.

Every day she walks on faith
And she prays love will conquer hate
And her whole life won't be wasted time.
So she tries.

So I continue to walk in faith. I pray. And I try, remembering that God is using me for some good purpose even when (or maybe especially when) I fail.

Vacation Pictures

Be where you are? Do I have to?

"Be where you are" is a saying that to me means to live in the moment, because if you are always living in the past or the future, you can never enjoy today.

But, but here's where I am:

Chicago, Illinois (www.weather.com)

Quite frankly, I would rather be back here:

Half Moon Cay, Bahamas (last week)

I've been cold ever since I stepped off the plane at O'Hare Airport nine days ago after a week in warm. I love my life, Lord, I do. But did you really mean for your people to live in this climate? Seriously. Could you speed up the global warming a bit? Or consider sending me a job offer I can't refuse because it's in sunny Florida?

I'll be waiting for your answer.

PS: It's very hard to type with mittens on.

Back home

I'm off to work in a few minutes after my vacation. Frankly, I'm a little depressed. It's cold here, and Florida and the Bahamas are nice and warm.

The trip was fabulous! I'm told the seas were quite rocky, but being my first cruise I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm happy to say that I had not a smidgen of seasickness!

In some ways, this was a life-changing experience...not the cruise itself, but the fellowship, the new friends I met, the things I saw, and some conversations that may make me rethink some of my beliefs. Not my core beliefs, of course, but the way I practice them. More on the trip later.

For now, let me just thank God for our safe and wonderful journey.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Well, I'm off to parts warm and breezy. I'll be on a cruise ship by this time tomorrow. God willing, I won't get too seasick or too homesick.

It's my first cruise, and I'm really looking forward to it. It is my intention to stay completely away from computers and the Internet. I don't even plan on reading the news, other than what they provide on board. I will be totally unplugged. Well, not totally.

My only real concession to modern communication will be my iPod, which I loaded up with lots of music and a few radio talk show podcasts.

Back sometime next week to tell you all about it!

It's her money

Sorry for the lack of posting. I'm just getting back to "normal" after some hectic work projects, travel and a cold that took a record time going away.

One of the few news stories that piqued my interest since the start of the new year is the opening of Oprah Winfrey's new school in Africa. Normally I don't pay much attention to Oprah. Not that I don't think she's interesting...it's just that long ago she got so "big" that she started believing her own hype. I've rarely watched her TV show, primarily because I work outside the home.

Anyway, the part of the story about the school that got me thinking is the criticism Oprah is receiving for not building such a school in her home country. It just goes to show you that no matter what you do, you will never please everyone.

Excuse me, critics, but it is her money! Who the heck are you to tell her how to spend it? Oh, wait. I forgot. We live in America, where a great percentage of the people think that if you have a lot of money, then it's your fault that other people don't.

LaShawn Barber has the best column I've read on this subject. Apparently, Oprah has tried to help inner-city schools, but even she, the eternal optimist, got discouraged. All my life I have been hearing the political mantra "more money for schools". But no amount of money thrown at a bad system is ever going to make it better.

Oprah is enormously successful because she has talent, was in the right place at the right time, made more good decisions than bad ones, and worked hard. She happens to live in time and place where her particular brand of media appeal translated into mega-dollars. But she's not God (although some people treat her that way) nor is she even close to perfect.

But she has earned her money, and it is her prerogative how to spend it.

Look at what's left

Excellent two-parter from Joyce Meyer's TV show about overcoming grief and loneliness. Go to her website and download it (December 27 and 28 shows).

I don't remember a lot of details from the months after my husband's sudden death (full story starts here). A few things stand out, like writing thank you notes while sitting in front of the TV on September 11th thinking that the world was ending. And then there were the looks on my new co-workers' faces when I told them entire story six weeks later in a staff meeting so I could get it all out and not have to tell it over and over.

But what Joyce's preaching reminded me of is a quiet moment at home (my new home at my sister's house). It was a few weeks into my widowhood, and my sister came into my room and gave me a hug. She was distressed because she didn't want me to have to live my life alone. I assured her that I would never be alone, since I was never moving out of her house (ha ha).

Jokes aside, I remember thinking at that moment how fortunate I was. I truly would never have to be alone. I had so many people loving me and praying for me, and not everyone has that. I had my faith, and by God's grace I was able to see all that was left, and not just what I had lost.

That doesn't mean it was easy to go through the grief. Some days even knowing all I had left wasn't enough...the loss overshadowed everything. I cried in my car. I cried in stores. I cried at work. Some days, frankly, I had to fake that everything was alright. But the "glass half full" moments gradually increased to where most of the time I realized my glass wasn't just half full, it was overflowing.

Those of you with new grief, please take heart. The days will get better, I promise. More importantly, that's God's promise. Look at what's left in your life. Cherish it, cling to it, and be grateful for all your big and little blessings.

Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming

Today's Our Daily Bread talks about a Christmas song that I haven't heard at all lately. It compares the arrival of Christ with the blooming of a rose in the dead of winter. As the essay says:

The song speaks of a season when roses don’t bloom and of a night half gone, a time when people often give in to despair.

Imagine how God's people felt after all those years of waiting for their Deliverer. They might have been ready to give up. Then in the middle of a winter night, when they least expected it, their prayers were answered.

God knows the hour and moment of your deliverance from your burden.

Don't give up.

Mele Kalikimaka

My long-time readers may recall that last year my family had the first "theme" Christmas. It was "Pajama Christmas", and we had a great time!

This year the theme was "Christmas in Hawaii". Since we could not afford to actually go to Hawaii, we brought Hawaii to us! The house was decorated with flowers and masks and a plastic totem pole and a palm tree window cling on the patio door. Our special project was making leis from real flowers flown in from Hawaii. Here I am with mine (can't find my regular camera so this is from the webcam):



I know, Christmas doesn't really need a theme (it kinda comes with one built in). But it's just a way to add a little extra fun to the day.

As for dinner, everything was FABULOUS as always! We had ham, meatballs and rumaki (two varieties - liver and scallops) along with lots of side dishes including Hawaiian salad. Dessert was cookies and a tropical version of my brother-in-law's famous creme brulee.

It was an almost perfect family day. The only thing that could have made it better was to have everyone there. But alas, miles and other kinds of distance prevented it. But you were all there in our hearts.

Well, gotta get the leis into the fridge and get myself to bed (work tomorrow). As they say in Hawaii, Mele Kalikimaka!

Go tell it, any way you can

Merry Christmas, and God's blessings to you today and always!

Yesterday at my home church we had a special Christmas Eve mass devoted especially to children. There weren't many people there. Several songs got messed up. The pianist and the guitar player got their signals crossed on one, and another one the words were too small to read. I sang solo several times, and since I have a cold my voice cracked a few times.

This morning I walked to the big church in my neighborhood. It was beautiful and almost full (and the place seats about 600). The orchestra played wonderfully. The soloist sang like an angel. Everything seemed to go off without a hitch.

And you know what? I LOVED both services!

Worship is one of those rare things in life where your intentions matter more than the results. God knows your heart, and if you sing loud and off-key but you are sincere it makes Him smile! He doesn't care if we make mistakes, as long as we come to Him.

Both services ended with a rousing rendition of "Go Tell It On The Mountain". Well, there are no mountains around here, so I'll have to settle for the internet.

JESUS CHRIST IS BORN! May He be born again in your heart today.

Shopping surprise

It was a quick trip to pick just a few last-minute items for Christmas. And the first thought that entered my mind when I saw this was "NOW I've seen everything".



Yes, that is a Hello Kitty Coffee Maker!

I've got nothing against Hello Kitty. It just seems to me that kids are growing up so fast these days (geezer moment here) and it pains me to think of a kid young enough to love Hello Kitty looking for their java fix first thing in the morning.

But then something else occurred to me. What if it was thirty-somethings buying this just trying to put a little memory of their childhood into their morning routine? Picture a young executive about to leave for her high-stress job. She's got a meeting with her toughest client at nine and performance reviews to finish after that. For most of the day she will have both feet squarely in her adult world.

Nothing wrong with stepping back into childhood for a little while and a little smile. As long as you don't try to live back there.

But then what's next? A Polly Pocket radar detector?

Be a blessing

A friend of mine was trying to get a gift for his wife the other day by taking a quick lunchtime trip to the nearby mall. He was working on an important project and couldn't be away from the office for long.

He never made it into the mall, but perhaps his real mission for the day was accomplished. A woman was stuck near the entrance to the parking lot in her stalled minivan. He helped get her vehicle off the road. What a wonderful blessing he was to that woman! By the time he was done he had to turn around and get back to work.

Helping her was an inconvenience, not to mention a difficult and dirty job. But to a guy like him it was a no-brainer. He saw several other men in cars pass this woman by on their way into the mall. None of them stopped to help.

It reminded me of more than one occasion when I chose not to help out somebody when I could have. In particular was the time I saw an older woman trying to shovel her car out of the parking space where the snow plows had buried it. I was running late for a church meeting and quickly decided that the meeting was more important. Turns out that particular meeting started a half hour late. But even if it didn't, stopping to help her would have certainly been a good use of my time.

Every day we encounter situations where we have the opportunity to be a blessing. Sometimes it's pushing a dirty minivan in your good work clothes. Sometimes it's as simple as giving a smile instead of a frown (especially to store clerks at this time of year).

When that little voice inside gives you a blessing alert, listen to it. You can make somebody's day, and add a little light to your own.

The hidden 'fense

I watched those last two Joyce Meyer TV shows about how damaging taking and giving offense can be. Before I go on let me just say...podcasting is SO COOL! I don't have TV right now (a personal choice), but I can get some shows over my computer if they are available via podcasting, which Enjoying Everyday Life is.

Besides giving and taking offense with others, they talked about "offending yourself". Huh? What does that mean? At first I thought it meant hurting my own feelings then apologizing to myself (sorry, Judie). It's sort of like that, only not so "split personality".

Not loving ourselves is offensive. After all, if God (the Creator of the Universe, the Big Guy, Numero Uno) loves you (and He does whether you believe it or not) then who the heck are you NOT to?

What a radical thought! I have wasted a good portion of my life not loving much about myself for various reasons (no time to list them all). Somehow I got the notion in my head that "loving yourself" was vanity and therefore a sin. But a quick look at the Thesaurus gives us synonyms for vanity such as arrogance, conceit and narcissism. That's not love.

What we're talking about is believing in your worth as a human being, and loving yourself, even if there are things you currently don't like about yourself. That's not to say that we don't have anything to improve upon (that would be vanity). But right here today, as you are, you agree with God.

It never occurred to me that not loving myself meant that I disagreed with God. But I was in effect saying "well, You might love me but I have higher standards". Higher standards than God? Yikes!

So it's very important for me to break my habits of telling jokes at my own expense, putting myself down, and being super-critical about the things I want to change about myself. I need to remember that each step I take in the right direction is progress.

Time to knock down those 'fenses once and for all.

The other side of the 'fense

OK, let's say we are able to turn our thinking around and make the choice not to be offended. There's another side to this. What about the things we say and do that offend other people? Shouldn't they be cool like us and just let it go?

Well, sure, in an ideal world. But we don't live in that world. We live in a world where some people's first reaction upon being offended is to kill. Or start a riot. Or call a lawyer.

That reminds me of one of my favorite TV shows - Ally McBeal (1997-2002). It was about a law firm. One of the partners was Richard Fish, who had a clever way of offending people and assuming forgiveness from them in the same breath. He would say something outrageous, knowing it would offend, and follow it with a single word - "bygones" - short for "let bygones be bygones", meaning to let past offenses stay in the past (as if two seconds was "the past").

In a TV show, that's funny. In real life, Richard would more likely have been slapped or worse before he got the "bygones" out. We have to be as careful not to offend as we are not to take offense. I almost think this is more difficult, as we cannot always know what might offend somebody. But let's be honest, we usually do know. How often are we like Richard? We say something then follow it up with "I was only joking". Or "they shouldn't be so sensitive". The point is, we are ultimately responsible for every single word that comes out of our mouth.

For one summer back in the 1980's I worked for a man who always (and I mean always) took at least several seconds to form his thoughts before speaking. This was weird and sometimes very annoying, since the concept of thinking before speaking was completely alien to me. He had to have consciously developed that skill. And although I don't remember much else about him, my guess is that he rarely said something he later regretted, since he always preceded his words with so much thought.

We cannot change other people, only ourselves. And I'm not saying that is easy to do. But if we learn to stop and think first before speaking, and before reacting to other people's words, we can build new thought habits that will lead to a more peaceful life for ourselves and those around us.

Offense: take it or leave it

What kind of fence only exists in the mind of the beholder? Offense.

Not my best word-play, I'll admit. But it came to mind recently as I was talking to a group of young people about an ongoing hurt-feeling situation amongst them. The idea didn't originate with me...I read so much that I pick things up and sometimes forget where they came from. It might have come from several sources. But it boils down to this:

Being offended is really our own choice.

Think about it. Somebody does or says something and you "take offense" or "are offended". Both those common terms reflect action on our part. The way I see it, when we feel offended one of three things is happening:

The person intends to offend us. In this case, if we choose not to be offended, we have taken away that person's power in the situation.

OR

The person did not mean to offend us. They said or did something that they thought was funny or harmless but did not realize it might be taken personally or the wrong way. In this case, if we choose not to be offended, we have avoided hurt feelings and a damaged relationship.

OR

Someone is "pushing the envelope" for the sole purpose of getting a reaction. Vulgar movies and song lyrics, political cartoons and talk shows, hate speech, "No Fat Chicks" bumper stickers, pornography and the like would fall into this category. When we turn it off or choose to ignore it, again, we are taking away the power that person or organization has to offend us.

At work, I used to feel offended when certain co-workers would (seem to) ignore my emails. But not too long ago I realized that, among my peers anyway, I probably get fewer emails by far than anyone else. One of my co-workers can sometimes get 20 emails an hour! Most are real, must-read-and-respond emails (not just notifications of system activity, junk mail, etc). I realized that it's more likely that I'm being lost in a flood rather than purposely ignored. I've learned to adjust my communication methods (and my thinking) to get the answers I need and be more at peace at the same time.

I personally think that maybe 90% of the time we are offended, it is unintentional or a misunderstanding on the other person's part. How much better off would we be if we could dial-down our sensitivity to things and learn to summon peace in our own minds? What kind of affect would that have on the world?

One of my favorite preachers is Joyce Meyer, and she will be talking about this subject on her TV show this week with author John Bevere, who calls offense "Satan's bait". Can't wait to see that.

The Thrill of the Chaste

The Thrill of the Chaste is the first book by our friend Dawn Eden at The Dawn Patrol. Ever since I heard she was writing a book on the subject of chastity, I knew it would be something I would want to read and write about here. For chastity is the lifestyle I have chosen (with some difficulty) since the death of my husband five years ago.

Although we are constantly barraged by sexual messages in television, films, magazines, newspapers, music and the internet, this is still (as it should be) a subject that one does not discuss lightly. Dawn makes her case for a chaste lifestyle effectively because she has the courage to tell us about her own experiences. Anyone who wants to someday have the most awesome human relationship possible--a spiritually and physically fulfilling marriage--should read this book and thank God for giving Dawn the calling, the talent and the guts to write it.

As I read, I used a highlighter pen and some of those little Post-It Page Markers to mark sections that really spoke to me and that I would want to quote. Good idea, except that I had used 30 of them by the time I finished Chapter 8.

So I decided to pick one thing to share with you here, and it comes from my 13th Post-It Page Marker. In Chapter 5, Dawn talks about the loss of innocence which starts not with the first sex act itself, but with the crossing of a certain boundary and what happens after that if you make sex part of your dating life:

Yet, as you explored further, you could never recapture that feeling you had before you took that first step--the feeling of hopefulness and unexplored possiblities. You might try to repeat the same thing you did before with a new man, but in your mind you would always compare your new date to those who had preceded him. Whether he was better, worse, or just different, he was coloring on pages that already contained the outlines of other men.

This is where I have to admit that there were "outlines of other men" on my pages before I married. I bought into the lie that it was alright as long as you were "in love" or that you at least "respected" the other person (whatever that means). And I was not my husband's first lover either. It still makes me sad to know that my husband and I were never truly the only people in our bed, because the memory of others would always be there (deep down and unconscious most of the time, but still there). Sex is such an intense, bonding experience that it can never really be "casual". Anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves.

What I can tell you that Dawn couldn't is that, having experienced sex both inside and outside of marriage, I know without a doubt that there is simply no comparison. Saving yourself for the husband or wife God has picked for you will be worth the wait.

Since He designed it that way, how could it be otherwise?