Last week I was in a bookstore looking for a gift. I walked out having spent $26 on yet another weight loss book for myself. Oy, what a waste of money!
I have struggled with my weight for almost 30 years now, and in that time have read hundreds of books and countless magazine articles on the subject. Those of you who have never had a weight problem are probably mystified at the rate of obesity in this country. What is so hard about losing weight? You eat less and exercise more...isn't it that simple? Yes, it is. But it is the psychological and emotional reasons for overeating that somebody who has not been there just cannot comprehend.
One magazine I have kept for quite a while has the story of a woman who lost 185 pounds. No pills, no liquid diet, no surgery. She ate less and exercised more. But the key to her success was making one small change in her routine at a time.
I'm giving that a try. Instead of trying to change everything about my eating all at once, I am starting with breakfast. Yesterday instead of the usual fast food breakfast eaten quickly in my car on the way to the office, I ate cereal with skim milk, plus made my own coffee at home and took my vitamin (which I forget most days). I also made sure to drink plenty of water instead of more coffee or diet pop at the office. I still ate badly at lunch and dinner, but I sure felt better in the morning not having that lump of greasy food in my stomach.
Today is day two. I've had my good breakfast and am off to work now.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Aunt Judie Helpful Hint #6
Giving Helpful Hints is part of my calling here at Aunt Judie's Guide to Life. I offer them because I care...because it is my hope that you can avoid the mistakes I have made. These hints come from true experiences. You may not think so when you read this one, but really...who could make this stuff up?
Remember I was out of town last week. So Monday morning I did my makeup as I unpacked my travel bag. Part of my ritual is blending my eyeshadow with a small brush. As I swiped the brush along my left eyelid, it felt funny against my skin. I looked at the brush and found a substance known in scientific language as "goop". Something had obviously leaked in my travel bag. I wiped it off with my fingers and didn't think much of it.
Later in the day I figured out what the mystery substance must have been - anti-perspirant. My eyelid was dry and odor-free. Ha ha ha! Never let 'em see your eyelids sweat! It was not so funny the next day when I had a rash there. You see, the anti-perspirant did it's job...it just did it in the wrong place.
Anyway, my eyelid is still a little dried out, but it will be OK in a day or two. So I guess my advice is this:
1. Keep your makeup brushes in a plastic bag when traveling.
2. Keep your anti-perspirant (and any other stuff that can leak) in a different plastic bag.
3. If you ever accidentally put an unknown substance on your skin, don't shrug it off...wash it off!
Have a helpful hint to share? Write me at auntjudie-at-comcast-dot-net.
Remember I was out of town last week. So Monday morning I did my makeup as I unpacked my travel bag. Part of my ritual is blending my eyeshadow with a small brush. As I swiped the brush along my left eyelid, it felt funny against my skin. I looked at the brush and found a substance known in scientific language as "goop". Something had obviously leaked in my travel bag. I wiped it off with my fingers and didn't think much of it.
Later in the day I figured out what the mystery substance must have been - anti-perspirant. My eyelid was dry and odor-free. Ha ha ha! Never let 'em see your eyelids sweat! It was not so funny the next day when I had a rash there. You see, the anti-perspirant did it's job...it just did it in the wrong place.
Anyway, my eyelid is still a little dried out, but it will be OK in a day or two. So I guess my advice is this:
1. Keep your makeup brushes in a plastic bag when traveling.
2. Keep your anti-perspirant (and any other stuff that can leak) in a different plastic bag.
3. If you ever accidentally put an unknown substance on your skin, don't shrug it off...wash it off!
Have a helpful hint to share? Write me at auntjudie-at-comcast-dot-net.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
I'm gonna be an Aunt-in-Law!
At a family gathering on Sunday, my oldest nephew B announced his engagement to his lovely girlfriend L! They will marry in about two years after he finishes school and settles into his teaching career.
My reaction came in stages:
1. Tearful joy.
2. Woo-hoo! We're havin' a wedding!
3. Got two years to find a date.
4. I'm going on a diet tomorrow.
5. Ha ha...my sister the mother-in-law!
As I sipped my champagne in a quiet moment later, I teared up again thinking of the first time I saw B - when I tiptoed into his room and gazed at that small bundle in the middle of the huge crib. I remembered the years I lived upstairs from them, and how he would plop up the steps on Saturday mornings in his footie PJs and announce that breakfast was ready. I remembered him in a tiny tuxedo and Snoopy sunglasses at his uncle's wedding. Snapshots of his life filled my mind.
It's a cliche, but it's true. It all seems like just yesterday.
And now he's getting married. Starting a new life with the woman he loves. Building a home and a family. Boy, does Aunt Judie have a lot of advice for them!
Stay tuned.
My reaction came in stages:
1. Tearful joy.
2. Woo-hoo! We're havin' a wedding!
3. Got two years to find a date.
4. I'm going on a diet tomorrow.
5. Ha ha...my sister the mother-in-law!
As I sipped my champagne in a quiet moment later, I teared up again thinking of the first time I saw B - when I tiptoed into his room and gazed at that small bundle in the middle of the huge crib. I remembered the years I lived upstairs from them, and how he would plop up the steps on Saturday mornings in his footie PJs and announce that breakfast was ready. I remembered him in a tiny tuxedo and Snoopy sunglasses at his uncle's wedding. Snapshots of his life filled my mind.
It's a cliche, but it's true. It all seems like just yesterday.
And now he's getting married. Starting a new life with the woman he loves. Building a home and a family. Boy, does Aunt Judie have a lot of advice for them!
Stay tuned.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Election reflections
So the election is finally over.
This was the eighth time I have voted in a presidential election, and the first time I voted absentee. I knew I would be out of town on election day, so two weeks ago I drove to the county board of elections and got it done. When I told a friend at work that I had already voted, she asked me what I would do if something big happened or was revealed about one of the candidates before the election. Would I regret voting early? Not at all.
Neither candidate shared 100% of my core values. But one was far ahead of the other on that score, and that is how I voted. When you know what you believe and you take a stand for it, decisions like who to vote for are usually simple. Nothing could have happened in the ten days between casting my vote and the election that would have swayed my opinion.
You may think it is over now, but the next presidential campaign has already begun. The spin doctors are busy analyzing what went right and what went wrong. The movers and shakers are already looking at possible candidates for 2008. The political process is never-ending. That is our system. It's not perfect; it's not even pretty most of the time. But it is the best system in the world.
The increased voter turnout we saw this year was a wonderful thing, no matter what the result. If your guy lost, don't get discouraged and give up on politics. If your guy won, don't gloat or take things for granted.
And keep in mind this thought from the surprisingly gracious concession speech of the candidate that lost:
But in an American election, there are no losers, because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning we all wake up as Americans. And that -- that is the greatest privilege and the most remarkable good fortune that can come to us on earth.
God Bless America.
This was the eighth time I have voted in a presidential election, and the first time I voted absentee. I knew I would be out of town on election day, so two weeks ago I drove to the county board of elections and got it done. When I told a friend at work that I had already voted, she asked me what I would do if something big happened or was revealed about one of the candidates before the election. Would I regret voting early? Not at all.
Neither candidate shared 100% of my core values. But one was far ahead of the other on that score, and that is how I voted. When you know what you believe and you take a stand for it, decisions like who to vote for are usually simple. Nothing could have happened in the ten days between casting my vote and the election that would have swayed my opinion.
You may think it is over now, but the next presidential campaign has already begun. The spin doctors are busy analyzing what went right and what went wrong. The movers and shakers are already looking at possible candidates for 2008. The political process is never-ending. That is our system. It's not perfect; it's not even pretty most of the time. But it is the best system in the world.
The increased voter turnout we saw this year was a wonderful thing, no matter what the result. If your guy lost, don't get discouraged and give up on politics. If your guy won, don't gloat or take things for granted.
And keep in mind this thought from the surprisingly gracious concession speech of the candidate that lost:
But in an American election, there are no losers, because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning we all wake up as Americans. And that -- that is the greatest privilege and the most remarkable good fortune that can come to us on earth.
God Bless America.
My favorite hotel in the world
I just now got back from a week at my favorite "hotel" in the world...M & C's house in Michigan. I am so blessed to have the ability to visit every couple of months, staying with Daniel's brother and his family while working from my old office. A week of conversation, laughs, hugs and home cookin' always leaves me smiling! Thank you, friends.
Not having a TV myself, I was very glad to be where there was one (actually six or seven) for the big Election night festivities. I'll post more about that later tonight. Right now, I have laundry to do and a week of mail to sort through.
Not having a TV myself, I was very glad to be where there was one (actually six or seven) for the big Election night festivities. I'll post more about that later tonight. Right now, I have laundry to do and a week of mail to sort through.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Now it is somebody else's dream
We moved in on a cold, rainy October day in 1995. From that first day, it felt like home. Daniel had always dreamed of living on the water. I always dreamed of living in a house, having grown up in a rental apartment. So moving day was a dream come true for both of us.
That dream ended today. I had signed the papers in advance so I would not have to travel 300 miles to attend the closing. My name alone was on the documents. When I got word in the afternoon that the transaction was finally finished, I burst out crying.
In that way that God has of doing things for a reason, I was already back home in Chicago when Daniel died. The house was already on the market. Of course God knew I would not want to live alone in our dream house on the lake. Why things turned out like they did - why I ended up owning the house for three more long years - I don't know.
The past week was stressful. A lot could have gone wrong, and despite knowing that it was all in God's hands I lost sleep over it. But when I woke up this morning I was flooded with memories of our time there - mostly good, a few not so good. But overall it was a lovely six years that I am very grateful for. In a way, it will always be our house.
But soon, maybe tomorrow, a new family will move in. I haven't met them, but I am told it was their dream to live on a lake.
That dream ended today. I had signed the papers in advance so I would not have to travel 300 miles to attend the closing. My name alone was on the documents. When I got word in the afternoon that the transaction was finally finished, I burst out crying.
In that way that God has of doing things for a reason, I was already back home in Chicago when Daniel died. The house was already on the market. Of course God knew I would not want to live alone in our dream house on the lake. Why things turned out like they did - why I ended up owning the house for three more long years - I don't know.
The past week was stressful. A lot could have gone wrong, and despite knowing that it was all in God's hands I lost sleep over it. But when I woke up this morning I was flooded with memories of our time there - mostly good, a few not so good. But overall it was a lovely six years that I am very grateful for. In a way, it will always be our house.
But soon, maybe tomorrow, a new family will move in. I haven't met them, but I am told it was their dream to live on a lake.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
In one week
I have learned the hard way to live my life one day at a time. But right now I'm finding it hard not to look ahead one week.
In one week, God willing, we will know who won the Presidential Election. I sincerely hope that whoever wins, it will be by such a decisive margin that we will not have a repeat of 2000. Of course I want my guy to win. But even more I want our country not to suffer again through weeks of uncertainty, lawsuits, hyperbole, rhetoric, and outright lies - and then four more years of the losing side whining that the election was stolen.
In one week, God willing, I will no longer be a homeowner. The house I shared with Daniel has been rented for a couple of years and is finally sold. The closing is set for Friday, but there is still uncertainty surrounding a few issues and it might not happen. The relief of not making another mortgage payment on a house I have not lived in for over three years will be sweet indeed!
In one week the baseball season will be over. I don't know whose side God is on, but I'm rooting for the Red Sox!
In one week, God willing, we will know who won the Presidential Election. I sincerely hope that whoever wins, it will be by such a decisive margin that we will not have a repeat of 2000. Of course I want my guy to win. But even more I want our country not to suffer again through weeks of uncertainty, lawsuits, hyperbole, rhetoric, and outright lies - and then four more years of the losing side whining that the election was stolen.
In one week, God willing, I will no longer be a homeowner. The house I shared with Daniel has been rented for a couple of years and is finally sold. The closing is set for Friday, but there is still uncertainty surrounding a few issues and it might not happen. The relief of not making another mortgage payment on a house I have not lived in for over three years will be sweet indeed!
In one week the baseball season will be over. I don't know whose side God is on, but I'm rooting for the Red Sox!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
A musical baseball riddle
Q: What do you get when you call your cousins in Boston right before game six of the American League Championship Series which is do-or-die for the Red Sox?
A: Serenaded.
My call caught Mom in the middle of videotaping little J and A singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". So I got my own private performance, one from each of them.
You ladies are very good singers! You already know the secret to a great performance...sing to the rafters and enjoy yourself!
A: Serenaded.
My call caught Mom in the middle of videotaping little J and A singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". So I got my own private performance, one from each of them.
You ladies are very good singers! You already know the secret to a great performance...sing to the rafters and enjoy yourself!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Love lives on
Theirs was a long marriage. He loved the Lord and dedicated his life to serving Him and His church. She loved him, and dedicated her life to him and his ministry.
After a lifetime of work they had only a short retirement together. The last months were spent in a hospital, alternating between hope and despair.
He is with his Lord now, but a part of him lives on in his fine sons, his devoted daughters-in-law, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
And he lives on in the heart of the woman he loved.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
(I Corinthians 13:13, NIV)
After a lifetime of work they had only a short retirement together. The last months were spent in a hospital, alternating between hope and despair.
He is with his Lord now, but a part of him lives on in his fine sons, his devoted daughters-in-law, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
And he lives on in the heart of the woman he loved.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
(I Corinthians 13:13, NIV)
Monday, October 11, 2004
Two very special thank yous
First, to the person at work who came to the office directly from the doctor who diagnosed contagious strep throat.
Then, to the person(s) responsible for the apparently (please, God) unused condom laying on the ground between my car and the office door.
I feel sick.
Thanks alot!
Then, to the person(s) responsible for the apparently (please, God) unused condom laying on the ground between my car and the office door.
I feel sick.
Thanks alot!
Still here and on a roll
Sorry for not posting in a while. I hope you did not think I had been transferred to Siberia after my big mistake at work. I wasn't fired or reprimanded, but I am being much more careful.
Actually, since my last post I have been super-busy, not only at work but with church stuff as well. Once in a while I get this wave of energy. It's during these times that I volunteer for a lot of stuff, finish long-neglected projects, and really clean my apartment (including hands-and-knees floor scrubbing). I'm riding one of those waves now.
I wish I could identify what causes these high-octane bursts, because they would come in handy more often. But alas, I'll have to be content with making the most of them when they show up.
Gotta go write some cards, finish vacuuming and dusting, take a shower and get dressed, take out the trash, go to the bank and the post office - all in the two hours before I have to be at work.
Actually, since my last post I have been super-busy, not only at work but with church stuff as well. Once in a while I get this wave of energy. It's during these times that I volunteer for a lot of stuff, finish long-neglected projects, and really clean my apartment (including hands-and-knees floor scrubbing). I'm riding one of those waves now.
I wish I could identify what causes these high-octane bursts, because they would come in handy more often. But alas, I'll have to be content with making the most of them when they show up.
Gotta go write some cards, finish vacuuming and dusting, take a shower and get dressed, take out the trash, go to the bank and the post office - all in the two hours before I have to be at work.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Mistakes and consequences
When I was in grade school, I belonged to a dance group called the Continentals. It was a fun extension of gym glass. Our performance costumes were wide skirts made of felt (mine was light blue) and white blouses. The boys wore black slacks and a white shirt. (Yeah, we were stylin'.)
In eighth grade, our final performance at the school was shortly before a we were going to perform at a festival in downtown Chicago. For some reason, I was under the impression that our group's attendance at the festival was dependent on our doing very well at our own school. So when I made a big blunder I was devastated. When the dance was finished I ran to the bathroom and cried hysterically. I thought I had blown it for the entire group. I was mistaken, of course. Our group was always going to go to the festival. The real consequences of my mistake were minor, but my reaction - based on a false understanding of the consequences - was so dramatic I remember it all these years later.
Fast forward to yesterday, when I made a mistake at work that had actual serious consequences. Two clicks of the mouse and a project plan that belonged to a group in another part of the company was erased. Deleted. That's right...GONE. Forever.
When I made that blunder at the dance performance, it was in front of hundreds of people. My error yesterday was completely anonymous (if you don't count the barrage of self-directed profanity that unfortunately was verbalized and not just in my head). After I calmed down (and a coworker told me to watch my language) I called the head of the group whose project I had erased and confessed immediately.
It was simply the right thing to do. And I knew that the faster I dealt with the situation, the better it would be for everyone. Those people in the group whose file I had deleted were going to suffer the consequences whether I confessed or not. But they could start dealing with it sooner and maybe minimize the damage. The elapsed time from that devastating mouse click to having the right person on the phone was about two minutes.
I used to think that once I was "grown up" I wouldn't make stupid mistakes, but I was mistaken. What happens as we grow up is we learn from our mistakes. We learn to assess the damage and take appropriate action. And we learn to accept the consequences.
I haven't heard the last of yesterday's blunder, but I know I will live through it and do better next time. If they let me back in the system, that is.
In eighth grade, our final performance at the school was shortly before a we were going to perform at a festival in downtown Chicago. For some reason, I was under the impression that our group's attendance at the festival was dependent on our doing very well at our own school. So when I made a big blunder I was devastated. When the dance was finished I ran to the bathroom and cried hysterically. I thought I had blown it for the entire group. I was mistaken, of course. Our group was always going to go to the festival. The real consequences of my mistake were minor, but my reaction - based on a false understanding of the consequences - was so dramatic I remember it all these years later.
Fast forward to yesterday, when I made a mistake at work that had actual serious consequences. Two clicks of the mouse and a project plan that belonged to a group in another part of the company was erased. Deleted. That's right...GONE. Forever.
When I made that blunder at the dance performance, it was in front of hundreds of people. My error yesterday was completely anonymous (if you don't count the barrage of self-directed profanity that unfortunately was verbalized and not just in my head). After I calmed down (and a coworker told me to watch my language) I called the head of the group whose project I had erased and confessed immediately.
It was simply the right thing to do. And I knew that the faster I dealt with the situation, the better it would be for everyone. Those people in the group whose file I had deleted were going to suffer the consequences whether I confessed or not. But they could start dealing with it sooner and maybe minimize the damage. The elapsed time from that devastating mouse click to having the right person on the phone was about two minutes.
I used to think that once I was "grown up" I wouldn't make stupid mistakes, but I was mistaken. What happens as we grow up is we learn from our mistakes. We learn to assess the damage and take appropriate action. And we learn to accept the consequences.
I haven't heard the last of yesterday's blunder, but I know I will live through it and do better next time. If they let me back in the system, that is.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Some GOOD news from Iraq
Not having a TV, I get most of my news from the radio and internet. And the only news stories that seem to make it to me from Iraq are the bad ones. And what all the politicians say in an election year has to be taken with a grain of salt - because they need each need to slant what they say to fit their own agenda.
But here's one source of good news about Iraq - Operation Iraqi Children.
This organization, founded by actor Gary Sinise (Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump) and author Laura Hillenbrand (Seabiscuit: An American Legend), developed a program to send school supplies to Iraqi children. Look at these faces!
(from the Operation Iraqi Children web site)
What is so touching to me about this picture is knowing that girls were not allowed to go to school just a short time ago.
This is a good cause that deserves our support.
But here's one source of good news about Iraq - Operation Iraqi Children.
This organization, founded by actor Gary Sinise (Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump) and author Laura Hillenbrand (Seabiscuit: An American Legend), developed a program to send school supplies to Iraqi children. Look at these faces!
(from the Operation Iraqi Children web site)
What is so touching to me about this picture is knowing that girls were not allowed to go to school just a short time ago.
This is a good cause that deserves our support.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Fired up
Yesterday we started Sunday School at our church. For the first time in a couple of decades I am teaching. Not teaching, exactly, but leading. The high school and above age group has decided they want to do some serious studying of the Bible, specifically, how it is relevant to their daily lives.
We are going to take a topic, study it thoroughly, and move onto the next topic when we feel we have exhausted the subject. Our first topic is money - which we decided on based on yesterday's Lesson and Gospel readings.
What does the world say about money, and how does it differ from what the Bible says about money? There are several Bible passages on this subject that have always confused me.
I am really looking forward to this!
We are going to take a topic, study it thoroughly, and move onto the next topic when we feel we have exhausted the subject. Our first topic is money - which we decided on based on yesterday's Lesson and Gospel readings.
What does the world say about money, and how does it differ from what the Bible says about money? There are several Bible passages on this subject that have always confused me.
I am really looking forward to this!
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Introducing Mr. Wonderful
Wow, have I been busy since I got back from my last business trip? No, just distracted. But I promised you an introduction to my new special friend, so here he is...
...Mr. Wonderful!
Here is W helping me pack.
Before we went to the hotel, we stopped at the lake to visit friends and have a Labor Day cold one.
Of course he slept on the couch...you know we're not married!
On this trip I found out that a love of coffee is one of the things we have in common!
Here is W troubleshooting some problems with my computer.
W loves sports...especially a good "pickup" game. Here he is after somebody picked him up and dunked him.
Mr. Wonderful does say a lot of the things women love to hear. Now only if he would say "Honey, my new job pays 250 grand a year so you won't have to work", I might fall in love!
Just kidding...I'm not that materialistic. One hundred grand will do.
...Mr. Wonderful!
Here is W helping me pack.
Before we went to the hotel, we stopped at the lake to visit friends and have a Labor Day cold one.
Of course he slept on the couch...you know we're not married!
On this trip I found out that a love of coffee is one of the things we have in common!
Here is W troubleshooting some problems with my computer.
W loves sports...especially a good "pickup" game. Here he is after somebody picked him up and dunked him.
Mr. Wonderful does say a lot of the things women love to hear. Now only if he would say "Honey, my new job pays 250 grand a year so you won't have to work", I might fall in love!
Just kidding...I'm not that materialistic. One hundred grand will do.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
On the road again...but not alone
Monday, September 06, 2004
Happy Birthday...
...to my sister JC. I yearn to buy you a big birthday pizza at LaVilla. You name the day!
Saturday, September 04, 2004
The story of August 31st - Part IV
Read Part I
Read Part II
Read Part III
In addition to the deaths of my husband and my father, the serious illness of my father-in-law and the employment problems, 2001 also brought the death of Daniel's beloved Aunt Anne (two days after his), the death of our cat Stanley (a week after my Dad) and a health issue of my own (brought on by the stress of all of the above). And oh, we all had September 11th.
If I were writing this story for television and included all that happened in 2001, it would never make it to the screen. The producer would dismiss it as being too over-the-top to be believable. I must say there were more dramatic twists packed into those months than you would find on two entire seasons of of Dynasty.
2001 was a horrible year, but things slowly got better. My father-in-law experienced waves of progress and setbacks, but today is back to being his unique self and enjoying life. I stayed in Chicago and basically just showed up to claim the job I wanted in my company. My work is fun and challenging, and so are the people I work with. The house in Michigan has been leased for two years and the sale will finally close next month. My family is healthy. My nieces and nephews keep growing and learning and it's fascinating to watch. I'm active in my church, and am even taking the plunge this year and teaching Sunday School (which I have not done for over twenty years).
In May of 2002 I flew to Buffalo, New York for a church bowling tournament; not to bowl myself, but just to be with a large group of our friends on what would have been Daniel's 41st birthday. I was missing him more acutely that weekend because this event was one of his favorites. At the end of mass on Sunday morning, the woman sitting next to me - a total stranger - leaned over and told me that she felt compelled to tell me something. She said that God wanted me to know that He loved me and everything was going to be alright. She was right.
Is my life perfect? Of course not...far from it. But I am surrounded by love, and I have that peace I wished for.
There is a passage in Romans that tells us that God takes everything that happens and makes it work for the good of those who love Him. Sometimes it is very hard to see what possible good could come of a tragic situation. As for Daniel, maybe he would have faced some serious suffering later in life, and his early death was God's mercy. We don't know, and we are not meant to.
All we can do is walk in faith, one step at a time, and know that God loves us even though He lets us suffer. Remember, He also lets us experience the good stuff - joy, happiness, love, prosperity and beauty. I had all those things with Daniel, and I have all those things now.
Read Part II
Read Part III
In addition to the deaths of my husband and my father, the serious illness of my father-in-law and the employment problems, 2001 also brought the death of Daniel's beloved Aunt Anne (two days after his), the death of our cat Stanley (a week after my Dad) and a health issue of my own (brought on by the stress of all of the above). And oh, we all had September 11th.
If I were writing this story for television and included all that happened in 2001, it would never make it to the screen. The producer would dismiss it as being too over-the-top to be believable. I must say there were more dramatic twists packed into those months than you would find on two entire seasons of of Dynasty.
2001 was a horrible year, but things slowly got better. My father-in-law experienced waves of progress and setbacks, but today is back to being his unique self and enjoying life. I stayed in Chicago and basically just showed up to claim the job I wanted in my company. My work is fun and challenging, and so are the people I work with. The house in Michigan has been leased for two years and the sale will finally close next month. My family is healthy. My nieces and nephews keep growing and learning and it's fascinating to watch. I'm active in my church, and am even taking the plunge this year and teaching Sunday School (which I have not done for over twenty years).
In May of 2002 I flew to Buffalo, New York for a church bowling tournament; not to bowl myself, but just to be with a large group of our friends on what would have been Daniel's 41st birthday. I was missing him more acutely that weekend because this event was one of his favorites. At the end of mass on Sunday morning, the woman sitting next to me - a total stranger - leaned over and told me that she felt compelled to tell me something. She said that God wanted me to know that He loved me and everything was going to be alright. She was right.
Is my life perfect? Of course not...far from it. But I am surrounded by love, and I have that peace I wished for.
There is a passage in Romans that tells us that God takes everything that happens and makes it work for the good of those who love Him. Sometimes it is very hard to see what possible good could come of a tragic situation. As for Daniel, maybe he would have faced some serious suffering later in life, and his early death was God's mercy. We don't know, and we are not meant to.
All we can do is walk in faith, one step at a time, and know that God loves us even though He lets us suffer. Remember, He also lets us experience the good stuff - joy, happiness, love, prosperity and beauty. I had all those things with Daniel, and I have all those things now.
Friday, September 03, 2004
The story of August 31st - Part III
Read Part I
Read Part II
Many of the details of those days between Friday the 31st and the day of the funeral on September 6th have faded, as memories do. During a time like that so much of what you are doing is forced by the necessity of decision making. As a professional-league procrastinator, it was a shock to my already-shocked system to have to make so many serious decisions in such a short time.
The morning after Daniel died, we went back to the house and picked out clothes for him. Fortunately, we had bought him a nice jacket for a wedding the previous autumn and it still fit (and it was in Chicago, not back in Michigan where the house was still on the market and still contained lots of our stuff). We picked out a pair of graves. We went to the funeral home and picked out everything else you have to pick out. I think we even picked out flowers that day, but that might have been another day.
I say "we" because in this whole process I never had to be alone. My two sisters helped with everything. And my brother would be my rock on the day of the funeral. Countless other friends and relatives contributed in a variety of ways. I cannot even imagine going through something like this alone, which some people are forced to do.
One of the many phone calls on Saturday the 1st was from the funeral home, who relayed the autopsy results: pulmonary embolism. A blood clot (several probably) had formed somewhere in his veins and traveled to his lungs, which was the cause of his shortness of breath. Part of the clot stopped his heart. (This is the same condition that would cause the death of NBC reporter David Bloom in Iraq in April of 2003.)
We'll never know exactly what caused the clots in the first place. Daniel never exhibited most of the many symptoms of blood clots. If he had pain in his legs or abdomen in the days before his breathing problems started, he never told me and he never told the emergency room doctors. Daniel was the kind of guy who shrugged off pain. Long before we were married he attempted to "walk off" a knee injury that ended up being a completely severed tendon.
I have not spent much time with "what ifs" in the sense that his death could have been prevented. My "what if" ponderings tended towards how it could have been worse. It could have happened in front of me. It could have happened in the hospital, where because they did not know what was wrong he would have died anyway. It could have happened while he was driving, putting other people in danger (most especially my nephew C, who drove with him on our last trip back from Michigan).
As it was, Daniel died alone. Maybe in his sleep, maybe not. I have been told by doctors that it would have been very fast. The last face he saw was mine (if you don't count the cat). Yes, I was hot and grouchy that morning, and I didn't kiss him goodbye. But he knew I loved him.
The night before he died as we sat together watching the lightning, we talked about all the things we had been through, and what we might be facing if his health did not improve. He asked me what I wished for. I told him that all I wanted was some peace...I wanted both of us to be well, for the house to finally sell, for my job situation to get resolved...to have even one month without a major drama.
I would eventually get my wish for peace, but not the way I wanted it.
continued
Read Part II
Many of the details of those days between Friday the 31st and the day of the funeral on September 6th have faded, as memories do. During a time like that so much of what you are doing is forced by the necessity of decision making. As a professional-league procrastinator, it was a shock to my already-shocked system to have to make so many serious decisions in such a short time.
The morning after Daniel died, we went back to the house and picked out clothes for him. Fortunately, we had bought him a nice jacket for a wedding the previous autumn and it still fit (and it was in Chicago, not back in Michigan where the house was still on the market and still contained lots of our stuff). We picked out a pair of graves. We went to the funeral home and picked out everything else you have to pick out. I think we even picked out flowers that day, but that might have been another day.
I say "we" because in this whole process I never had to be alone. My two sisters helped with everything. And my brother would be my rock on the day of the funeral. Countless other friends and relatives contributed in a variety of ways. I cannot even imagine going through something like this alone, which some people are forced to do.
One of the many phone calls on Saturday the 1st was from the funeral home, who relayed the autopsy results: pulmonary embolism. A blood clot (several probably) had formed somewhere in his veins and traveled to his lungs, which was the cause of his shortness of breath. Part of the clot stopped his heart. (This is the same condition that would cause the death of NBC reporter David Bloom in Iraq in April of 2003.)
We'll never know exactly what caused the clots in the first place. Daniel never exhibited most of the many symptoms of blood clots. If he had pain in his legs or abdomen in the days before his breathing problems started, he never told me and he never told the emergency room doctors. Daniel was the kind of guy who shrugged off pain. Long before we were married he attempted to "walk off" a knee injury that ended up being a completely severed tendon.
I have not spent much time with "what ifs" in the sense that his death could have been prevented. My "what if" ponderings tended towards how it could have been worse. It could have happened in front of me. It could have happened in the hospital, where because they did not know what was wrong he would have died anyway. It could have happened while he was driving, putting other people in danger (most especially my nephew C, who drove with him on our last trip back from Michigan).
As it was, Daniel died alone. Maybe in his sleep, maybe not. I have been told by doctors that it would have been very fast. The last face he saw was mine (if you don't count the cat). Yes, I was hot and grouchy that morning, and I didn't kiss him goodbye. But he knew I loved him.
The night before he died as we sat together watching the lightning, we talked about all the things we had been through, and what we might be facing if his health did not improve. He asked me what I wished for. I told him that all I wanted was some peace...I wanted both of us to be well, for the house to finally sell, for my job situation to get resolved...to have even one month without a major drama.
I would eventually get my wish for peace, but not the way I wanted it.
continued
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