Saturday, August 07, 2010

The war is over

In a few weeks (God willing) I'll hit the big 5-0. It's one of those milestones that makes me think back over my life...what I've done and haven't done, how I got to be the person I am today. And it makes me sad to realize that I have spent most of my life at war with my body. Almost every memory is tainted by my battle with weight.

When I look through my photo album, it's like there is an invisible three-digit caption under every picture of me. Junior Prom (185). Pat's wedding (165). My wedding (285). Staff photo 1983 (180). Staff photo 1985 (280). Mackinac Island with Daniel and Dad (330). Those captions should be more like Junior Prom (nice dress). Pat's wedding (I caught the bouquet). My wedding (love the hair). Staff photo 1983 (hate the hair). Staff photo 1985 (hate the uniform). Mackinac Island with Daniel and Dad (freezing on the ferry).

Dieting and weight - I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of my weight being the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing I think about every night. I'm tired of having shelves filled with diet books. I'm tired of hoping that the next book, web site or miracle food will be the answer. I'm tired of dreading measurement day at the gym. I'm tired of wearing old clothes because I don't want to buy anything new if I need a bigger size. I'm tired of putting things off until I lose x number of pounds. I'm tired of counting calories, fat grams and points. I'm tired of thinking that seven almonds is good but seventeen is bad. I'm tired of feeling like a sinner if I eat ice cream.

I refuse to spend the rest of my life letting a scale or a tape measure or the label on my jeans dictate how I feel.

So I'm done with dieting. From now on I will eat when I'm physically hungry and stop when I'm near full. I'll eat what I want, but pay attention to how my body reacts. I will occasionally eat too much, but not feel guilty about it. I'll eat more fresh food and less processed food. I'll train and take classes at the gym because it makes me feel good to move. I'll walk and jog and swim because it's fun.

From now on, I will honor my body instead of treating it like an enemy to be conquered.

Today, I put down my weapons and declare peace.

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