Wanting what I can't have (yet)

I just got back home from a quick trip to Michigan (the reason for which I'll write about very soon). My drive home was blessed, as I narrowly avoided a potentially dangerous situation caused by what I think was once a car's bumper being flung around the highway by passing vehicles. I tried to avoid it, but the object hit the side of my car as I passed. Fortunately, it appears all it did was put a scratch in the dirt (time for a car wash).

Besides those few seconds of hyper-alertness, my drive was filled with something that seemed pleasant but has the potential of being more dangerous than a flying piece of metal.

It's natural for me to think of (and miss) my husband when I'm with his family. Daniel was on my mind a lot these last few days. But the seed that was planted by my thoughts of him bloomed into a romantic fantasy about somebody else. So what's so dangerous about that?

Daniel has been gone for over five years now. I've written a bit about the subject of dating, and my feeble attempts to "get out there". And, of course, the subject inevitably comes up when I'm with friends I don't see very often. Which leads me to daydream in idle moments (like six hours in a car alone).

There is a special man in my life. He is a good man, and one of the best people I know. He is a long-time friend with whom I have shared more about myself than perhaps he ever wanted to know. That kind of closeness can be comforting, and at times a little scary. And it can also lead to the kind of mind games I experienced today.

You may think that a little fantasy is no big deal. But when we indulge in a fantasy, it can have a detrimental affect on our reality. I don't want to ruin my friendship with this man by imagining us in situations that will probably never happen. Could he be a potential mate? He is single and a Christian, so yes. But what if he is not intended for me? By letting my imagination run wild, I could be setting myself up for (at best) disappointment or (at worst) a serious fall.

When I find myself wanting what I do not (or cannot, or may never be able to) have, I know it is because I am trying to fill that hole in my spirit that is meant for my relationship with God. So when I got home I went online to search for some new books or web sites to help me get my mind, heart and spirit back where they belong. Which in turn led me to a quote that I think says it all for us single women of faith:

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man must be seeking the Lord to find it." (Elisabeth Elliott)

So now I'm off to the bookstore.

continued...